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Don’t wait for the behavior you ultimately want; reinforce the pieces of it as they begin to appear.

Work backward from your end goal. Identify and praise the smaller steps that will move your child toward it.

Corrective feedback can feel like criticism when children hear little about what they’re doing well.

Raise the bar as your child succeeds and praise progress along the way.

Some parents and even teachers today struggle with when and what to praise. They believe that children should do what they are told or asked to do simply because it is expected of them. Others are reluctant to praise behaviors that fall short of the end behavior they expect. Many parents think of praise as something that comes after an achievement. They worry that praise of this sort will create dependence, reduce motivation, or make their child expect recognition for every task they engage in, much less accomplish. Some parents wonder, as their child ages, whether they will aspire to anything that is remotely effortful.

But praise can serve another, more important purpose. Rather than simply recognizing a behavior after it has been mastered, praise can help increase the behaviors that eventually lead to the desired end goal. This is why waiting until your child fully meets an expectation before offering praise can be a mistake, or at least slow progress toward the intended goal. A child may need praise most while they are still learning and trying to master a new skill.

During this process of acquiring a new skill, you may be withholding praise or approval or offering corrective feedback, hoping to encourage your child to work harder or help them improve. But if your child is already receiving a great deal of corrective feedback, withholding encouragement may simply leave them hearing much more about what they are doing wrong than what they are doing right. What you intend as motivating feedback is often instead........

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