Labeling twins as opposites harms their self-esteem and identity development.

Comparing twins intensifies rivalry and may fuel abuse or academic struggles.

Encouraging individuality helps each twin build a healthy, distinct identity.

It is difficult to tell twins apart, especially identical twins, because they look so similar and their behaviors are also very much alike. Learning to see the real differences between twins can be extremely difficult for new parents, who are not aware of the difficulty twins may have separating from each other. It is so very critical that gradually twins and their parents develop a singular relationship with each other as they develop individuality.

How Do Twins Develop Individual Relationships With Parents?

In other words, Twin A is more in need of comfort than Twin B, who thrives on adventure. Mother and father have to give each twin what they need. Twin A does not want to learn how to ride a roller coaster. Twin A wants to be pushed on the swing at the park by her gentle mom. Twin B gets bored on the swing and wants to try the longest slide in the park. Dad is very willing to go down the slide with her. Twin A is afraid of the slide. These differences create unique relationships between each twin and their parents. Differences in preferences for food, activities, and friendships begin to establish different parent-child relationships that are crucial to develop unique aspects of each child's identity.

There is much curiosity concerning why parents favor one twin over the other. It is related to the labeling of twins as opposites, as the good twin and the bad twin. Most likely, parents see labeling as an easy way to differentiate twins superficially. Most twins who have been split between “good” and “bad” are understandably upset. Twins who are treated as opposites of one another and know of my research and writing on twin identity always ask me, “Why did this happen? Is it my fault? Was I constantly causing trouble?”

I can find no answer to labelling twins as opposites that makes any sense........

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