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A Complete Beginner's Guide To Exploring BDSM – Plus, Essential Starter Kits To Buy

It’s not all painful!

For a long time, there’s been a misconception that BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism, submission, and masochism) is some kind of niche sexual fantasy.

Well, folks, I’m here to tell you that that is well and truly wrong. In fact, research shows that almost half (46%) of people have ever tried it, while an additional 22% have experienced fantasies about it.

If you so happen to fall into that category, you’ve come to the right place.

While BDSM has been increasingly romanticised in media over the last decade or so (think: Pillion, Fifty Shades of Grey, I could go on...) there is no handbook for how to get into it.

But some of the acts within BDSM come with risks, so to help you embark on your journey, we’ve consulted the experts for some beginner-friendly guidance.

We’ve also rounded up the best BDSM sex toys to get started with, from handcuffs to beginner BDSM sets.

As with anything sexual, it all starts with talking to your partner about your desires. “Talk about what you’ve fantasised about, what you’re not willing to explore and what you want to try together,” advised Tim Lagman, resident expert at sex toy store, pjur.

These conversations should also include ‘housekeeping rules’ like boundaries, hard limits, words that are triggering, and what you want to gain from the experience, according to Courtney Boyer, pjur’s resident clinical sex educator.

“These kinds of conversations beforehand often create more intimacy than the activity itself because it builds trust and emotional safety,” she explained.

Communication is particularly important because two thirds of women have had non-consensual experiences with BDSM acts, so you’ll want to make sure all parties are equally game for what you’re about to try out.

If you’re not sure what kind of fantasies you’re into, but want to try something new, you might want to explore BDSM communities such as FetLife to see what people are talking about, or watch ethical porn to get some ideas.

“You don’t have to earn a place in the kink community by trying the most extreme thing you can........

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