Chanukah can be a special time for couples to reflect on their Shalom Bayit and apply the themes of kindling and rekindling lights to their marriages or sadly apply the flames from the candles burning to ignite negative and stressful emotions which are triggered by the stressors of the Chanuka observances.

To shed some perspective on the potential benefits or challenges of Chanukah vis a vis the subject of marriages, one of my favorite sources of inspiration is Stephen R. Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People which was adapted for the publication of Seven Habits of Highly Effective Marriages.

It is my belief that the 7 Habits align themselves with Chanukah’s themes of light over darkness, rededication, and miracles with suggestions for ensuring that married couples illuminate their marriages during the Holiday and infuse the holiday with warmth and camaraderie and most of all Shalom Bayit.

WHAT ARE THE 7 HABITS and the Chanukah Connection?

The 7 Habits are listed in the same order as Covey outlines in his book with some suggestions for implementation during Chanukah to create positive atmospheres for marriage revitalization and to maximize the holiday spirit:

Proactivity means responding from your core values, not reacting out of impulse. In marriage this means: “What actions may I undertake to demonstrate accountability for bringing more peace, warmth, or kindness into our home?”

Chanukah: Before or after lighting, each spouse chooses one small “proactive” act of chesed/kindness or patience or assuming responsibility for some tasks/chores for that evening.

Having a shared vision of the kind of Jewish home you want—one of shalom that is based on Torah values, and an atmosphere of respect and harmony lends a mission to each holiday to ensure it exemplifies the overall objectives of the Jewish HOME.

Chanukah: Use one night to articulate a one‑sentence “home vision – supporting each other” while reflecting on the menorah as a symbol of that ideal with its warm glow and unifying spirit.