What Is Perfectionism?

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Perfectionists tend to struggle with deciding between being good and feeling special.

At its core, perfectionism is a mixture of unresolvable conflicts.

Pursuing truth may help the perfectionist form a more realistic and helpful understanding of their place.

You can’t suppress your beliefs merely by feeling guilty about having them. While it’s possible to exhibit only one form of perfectionism, many perfectionists present with several. So, for example, not only are many of them concerned with professional achievement (i.e., success-oriented perfectionism), they’re also preoccupied with being good people (i.e., moral perfectionism). And the values involved often conflict.

To become extremely successful, arguably, one has to believe they’re special; thus, every comparison brings relief and motivation. This means that self-esteem and self-efficacy, the sense of mastery, are built, in some sense, on the backs of others. And that may conflict with moral perfectionism, which entails compassion, contribution, and humility. As children, perfectionists may be taught that they need to stand out but, simultaneously, need to present modestly. The implied message is: You can’t be yourself. And this, in turn, conflicts with another core value, that of authenticity. You aren’t allowed to be your special self because it hurts others’ feelings, but being disingenuous to........

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