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Mort LaitnerThe Times of Israel (Blogs) |
I’m relaxing in my black leather chair, with my feet on my desk, intently listening to my favorite harmonic player, Lois Gilbert. She’s playing a...
I love idioms. And one of my favorites idioms is, “Truth is stranger than fiction.” I fancy reading weird stories, waving my index finger in the...
Andy Tran is Asian. His fiancée is white. And they own two dogs. (Please don’t ask me the dog’s breeds or names. I don’t know them. But I...
My five-year-old grandson, Carson, and I are aboard the Disney “Dream.” Yes, we’re on the floating magic kingdom. Cruising to the Bahamas...
Convicted felon, Timothy Hale-Cusanelli, now faces up to 20 years in prison for his role in the January 6th insurrection. You know Timothy...
I open my e-mail to find a YouTube posting from my friend, Lois Gilbert. Attached in the e-mail is Lois’ harmonica rendition of ‘Sunrise...
I’m standing next to the counter in my post office, staring at a sheet of stamps that are tacked to the wall. On the stamps, I see a cartoon of a...
I read Woody—The Biography by David Evanier (St. Martin’s Press—New York 2015) and I came across this interesting dialogue on page 20, from one...
Dear Mort, So sorry to hear that you got COVID. Praying for your speedy recovery. So to help your recovery, I am enclosing two...
Dear Marjorie, You evil cunning linguist. You queen of malapropism. You win. I’m now infected with COVID because of your...
“Hey boychick, take a guess on what’s my topic for this year’s Passover speech?” “Mort, I really don’t feel like guessing but I’m...
I sit in one of the cruise ship’s dining rooms, gazing through its floor-to-ceiling windows. The sea is calm; I’m famished. My gut yells,...
“Boychick, did ya know that one of my favorite sayings is: ‘Now, I’ve heard it all?'” “Yup, I knew that.” “And did ya know that a week...
“Hey boychick, ya know what movie I rented On Demand last night?” I nodded my head in exasperation. “No Mort, what movie did ya watch?” ...
“Boubileh, isn’t it amazing that Naftali Bennett, the prime minister of Israel, is mediating the war between Ukraine and Russian.” “Yup.” ...
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of joy and peace, it was the age of war and tyranny, it was an era of contagion at...
Marjorie, for over a year, I have written many satirical stories about your propensity to say and do incredibly mean and stupid stuff. But today,...
“Bill, ya know what documentary I watched last night?” “No Mort, what show did you watch?” “Well, when I took breaks from the Russia’s...
“Congresswomen Taylor, it’s good to see you again. Last time I interviewed you was after your Jewish laser beam fiasco. I recall you made that...
A little over a month ago, I wrote, “We have no idea how crazy the next so-called educator will behave…” when it comes to raising the...
After Whoopi Goldberg was suspended for two weeks by ABC execs from the show, “The View” for claiming on air that the Holocaust was “not about...
“Mort, since you claim to be an expert on antisemitism, I got a question for you. Is there a special place in Hell for antisemites?” Dante...
Hi, my name is Billy Sussman. I’m nine-years-old. I’m in the third grade at Watkins Elementary School. Watkins is in our Capital—Washington, DC....
Way back in 2021, I remembered writing a satirical dialogue about Marjorie Taylor Greene giving options on how to handle a situation where a New...
This past Hanukkah, I observed my yarmulke-wearing grandson, Carson, spinning the dreidel. I told Carson, “Hanukkah is about family, friendships...
I’m so cool. I know the secret code, the secret hand signs and the secret handshake. I know the meme. I know what the joke is all about. I’m in...
I watched the evening news, as Melanie Rettler addressed the Arizona, Chandler Unified District Board of Education on critical race theory and...
In horror, I read a Texas law which states, “when educators teach widely debated and currently controversial issues of public policy or social...
While watching a World War II documentary on the History Channel, I heard an American soldier say, “When we reached the banks of Rhine River, we...
I’m reading the Jerusalem Post, when I run across a headline, “Biketoberfest: Nazi-symbol hats spark outrage at Florida bike festival.” I think,...
It’s another hot Sunday afternoon in South Florida. I’m in Boca Raton dining at Dvash Mediterranean Fusion restuarant. And as luck would have it,...
I’m watching Love On The Spectrum (second season) on Netflix and loving it. I have fallen for this non-scripted reality show. I have fallen for...
“Sweetie, did you know that old age has some benefits, but not many,” I said with a sigh of resignation. I’ve reached that age, or is it that...
It’s 9:00 on a Wednesday evening. I write a sad poem (Masks) that I’m proud of and that I appreciate. But my work has just begun, for now I must...
Walking through the parking lots of life observing discarded castaways floating on seas of gravel. Protectors shown the contempt of mistreated...
I laid in bed tossing and turning. “Why, you may ask. Why weren’t you able to fall asleep?” Well, my upper left arm ached, throbbed and was warm...
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