What Is Perfectionism?

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Perfectionists often rely solely on themselves, intensely fearing the revelation of their needs.

When others don't help in the exact way preferred, perfectionists often blame them for not caring.

Both perfectionists and non-perfectionists can develop tools to be more direct communicators.

Perfectionists tend to struggle with loneliness. At its core, perfectionism is the fixation on cultivating, curating, and maintaining both one’s public image and self-image. Self-absorption is a key feature. So, others are perceived through the lens of their relations to the perfectionist. One person may be the perfectionist’s boyfriend; another may be their friend. While that may be true on the surface, the perfectionist often fails to register the other’s needs and insecurities; they fail to be curious about the other’s inner world.

Understandably, directness is preferred—it isn’t unreasonable to expect others to mean what they say and say what they mean. However, if the perfectionist is honest, they’d admit they aren’t great at communicating. Generally, perfectionists struggle with revealing needs, admitting mistakes, backing down, and expressing their feelings (outside of anger). Convinced they’re the paragons of radical honesty—even though their revelations are significantly limited by the degree of personal risk involved—they tend to chastise others for poor and hurtful communication and even........

© Psychology Today