If you grew up feeling emotionally unsafe, unseen, or unloved, it’s natural that your adult relationships might carry some of those same fears. You might unconsciously recreate familiar dynamics, because the brain often returns to what it knows, even when it hurts us. Much of early relationship conflict stems from our unhealed wounds. Tension often arises not just from our own behavior patterns, but from a lack of understanding of our partner’s attachment needs and behaviors.

Often, the tension isn’t just about our own reactions, but also about misunderstanding our partner’s wounds and the behaviors that come with them. When both partners have insecure attachment patterns and

© Psychology Today