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Phone calls are put in place to support the child’s connection with both parents.

Parental tension can turn a well-intended phone call into a stressful experience for their child.

If required calls consistently cause distress, be open to an adjustment.

Q: My son goes back and forth between his mother and me every few days. He’s 4. Although his mother and I don’t agree about much, we miss him when he’s not with us, so we asked for a FaceTime call every night to be added to his custody order. Lately, I’ve noticed that he gets anxious when it’s time to call his mother, and tonight, he said he didn’t want to talk to her. I don’t know what’s going on. What should we do?

A: It’s quite common for parenting plans to incorporate a phone or FaceTime call when the child is with the other parent. The idea is that a call will help the child feel close to both parents as they go back and forth between homes.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s not my favorite approach. Of course, there are times when it works well, particularly with long-distance co-parenting, when the parent and child don’t see each other for weeks or even months at a time. But if the child goes back and forth between parents every few days, strictly scheduled phone calls may interrupt their ability to calmly settle into a routine at their other home.

When I see phone calls become the most disruptive is when the parents are barely talking to each other, and they are required to coordinate a call so the child can touch base with the other parent. This can be especially troublesome when the child is too young to manage the call without help—about your son’s age or younger. These parents must hold the phone and prompt the child to speak,........

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