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"Chalant" isn't an official word, but it's being used in the dating world as the opposite of nonchalant.

Dating with chalance is the when you are all-in and freely express your interest in the other person.

By being more yourself and more frank and open, it can help you more readily find the right match for you.

"Chalant" isn't really an official word. You won't find it listed in the thesaurus as the opposite of nonchalant—just like "theless" won't be listed as the antonym of nonetheless. Nonetheless, people have been using words like "chalant" and "chalance" on social media and dating apps to describe an approach to dating that's the opposite of the nonchalance that's been fostered by some traditional dating advice and recent common dating situations like, well, situationships.

Some Traditional Advice Has Suggested Acting Nonchalant in Dating

Yep, you may have heard the age-old paradoxical advice to "play it cool" and act indifferent when you are actually romantically interested in someone. For example, there's that standard "Three-day rule" that says you should wait three days to contact a person following a first date to avoid appearing too eager or—gasp—desperate. The thought is that by not showing more enthusiasm, you are portraying yourself as high value—that you have options, so you don't really need the other person.

This is basically in line with the definition of "nonchalant," which is defined by Dictionary.com as "coolly unconcerned, indifferent, or unexcited; casual." Acting all like "whatever" in theory could force the other person to pursue you or to prove his or her value to you. All of that may work if the other person is into challenges and places a higher value on what he or she cannot have—like you are some kind of limited edition handbag or actor William Shatner's kidney stone, which was sold for $25,000 in 2006.

Recent Dating Trends Like Situationships Involve Nonchalance

Nonchalance has also been part of some more recent "whatever" dating trends like "situationships," which I have described before in a "Funny Bone to Pick" for Psychology Today. These are situations where two people are seeing each other, but there's ambiguity as to what exactly the relationship is, and a general lack of commitment. Now, it could be that both people in a situationship are happy with things being ill-defined. But another possibility is that at least one person in the situationship is afraid to express his or her true feelings and desires—such as wanting a more established relationship. Yet, both could even end up competing over who can be more nonchalant, sort of like "Do you care that we're not committed? Oh, you don't? Well, I don't either."

The Risks of Nonchalance

Going all nonchalant has its risks. It could suggest to the other person that you are indeed not interested or even that you will never be interested. That may prompt the big "F'" from the other person—meaning fugget about it. Even if the other person doesn't completely disengage, it could stall any progress because he or she may go all nonchalant, too. Then you'd have two people saying "whatever" and be like two ducks just floating in a pond.

Dating With Chalance Is to Be Enthusiastically All-In

Dating with chalance is the opposite. You are all-in, baby. You freely express your interest in the other person. You're attentive. No wait-X-hours-or-days-to-return-a-message-or-phone-call. You message right back. You're sort of like that children's song that goes "If you’re happy happy happy, clap your hands" and are openly enthusiastic about giving things the best chance to work. In fact, you can be sort of like ChatGPT—telling the person how fab they are and doing all that you can to keep the interaction going.

The Risks of Chalance

Of course, your concern might be that chalance lowers the challenge barrier too much, risking that the other person values you about as much as a Happy Meal. By putting yourself and your feelings out there, you are also leaving yourself more vulnerable. You are risking that the other person may step on you like you're a shag carpet and take advantage of you.

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The Benefits of Chalance

However, there are advantages to lowering the challenge barrier. That may prompt the other person to lower his or her shields, too. And assuming that your interest is genuine and not just some attempt to win someone over, both of you being more frank and open can increase the chances of finding the right match for you. If the other person doesn't like the true you, then you've saved yourself a lot of time and effort that would have been spent figuring that out much more slowly.

Chalance Seems to Be Popular

Chalance seems to be what many people want now. A Hinge report mentioned a 217 percent jump in searches for “chalant” in 2025. As mentioned earlier, you'll find different forms of the word on social media. And it's not uncommon to find people on dating apps now stating that they want “someone who’ll chalant me down.”

Even though chalance may be kind of a made-up word without the "non" in it, it could help get rid of the "non"-sense that's often part of dating. So, you might want to give chalance a chance.

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