CounterPunch Exclusives

CounterPunch Exclusives

Buckingham Palace’s Draft Folder (Do Not Send)

Houses of Parliament, London. Photo: Jeffrey St. Clair.

I managed to get my hands on a copy of His Majesty’s forthcoming planned Banquet speech during the State Visit to the United States:

My dear Mr President—or, as I believe one must now address you, ‘Commander-in-Chief, Disruptor of Alliances, Survivor of Fierce Critics with Guns, and Occasional Elbower of Other People’s Religion’—

What a joy it is to be here, in this magnificent palace of democracy, where security–I hope–is tight, history is made daily, and only deleted hourly.

I bring the warmest of greetings from the United Kingdom, a nation you have so kindly and so frequently improved through social media and podium commentary of late. Indeed, we are most grateful. It is not every country that benefits from remote diagnosis delivered sometimes at 3 a.m.

Now, I understand there has been some concern regarding our enthusiasm—or lack thereof—for your recent… adventures… in Iran. I must confess, we did consider joining in, but unfortunately the invitation arrived at a place somewhere between “bafflement” and “despair” and was therefore filed under “ambiguous diplomacy.”

We were also advised—most........

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