I had a notion the other day that there was possibly more I could offer to this fleeting world. A feeling that with life having been comparatively kind to me, perhaps there is something I could put back. I have these thoughts about once every month – and usually they are idly dismissed because they are either unrealistic or homicidal.

For example, it would be well nigh impossible to smash every single white, middle-class, middle-aged liberal in the throat until his trachea exploded in a chiaroscuro of livid pink foam and vaporised black lung stuff. Way too many tracheas and not enough time, sadly. Let them continue living a lie, was the conclusion I came to, reckoning that one day they will be brought to judgment before a God who is perhaps more vigorously right of centre on certain issues than they had dared imagine.

Badenoch made a pretty good stab at offending everybody, including members of her own party

Badenoch made a pretty good stab at offending everybody, including members of her own party

Or the wolves idea. I have always supported rewilding, especially of our apex predators, but had preferred as a venue for the trial run somewhere in SW9, rather than the remote and inhospitable Scottish highlands. Both of those ideas were dismissed, then, as being fanciful.

But more recently I wondered if there was something less obviously deranged I might do which could improve the lot of my fellow man, something less demanding on the attentions of the Serious Crime Squad. And what........

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