“Let’s face it, we’re just not that into emotions,” Brian tells me with a smile talking with other volunteers at a heritage steam railway in northern England. They are discussing a popular TV restoration show. Allan grimaces, parodying the presenter: “He’s always jumping around, shoving the microphone in their faces, like, ‘How do you feel?’ ‘Does this make you sad?’ You can almost see his glee when people actually cry!”

This parody of emotional disclosure captures something important about the values of a group of men I’ve spent years working alongside.

In public discourse and mental health campaigns, emotional expression is often viewed as essential to mental health. This weighs particularly heavily on discussions of older men. Research routinely links male emotional “repression” to “traditional” and even “toxic” forms of masculinity, connecting an inability to talk about feelings to social isolation and self-alienation.

My research suggests that this narrative misses something crucial about how connection actually works. To research this subject, I spent over four years working closely with volunteers at a heritage........

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