When people apologise, they do more than acknowledge a mistake. They also reveal how they understand responsibility, ethics, social and moral norms, and their relationship with others. These things all differ widely between cultural contexts.

Speaking in a foreign language may directly influence the emotions – such as guilt and shame – that we feel when we apologise. However, apologies are an especially complex type of communication, and are shaped by much more than just the words we use.

Even within a particular culture, people apologise in different ways in different situations. For example, a student apologising to a professor for missing a deadline must do more than simply say “sorry”; they need to acknowledge the missed deadline, take responsibility for the mistake, and communicate respectfully in the context of the professor-student relationship.

Every apology – be it to a spouse, a friend, a colleague, a stranger – has its own set of unspoken rules and expectations.

And although apologies are influenced by a huge range of factors, social power, distance and the seriousness of the offence are especially important. These are often what determine each culture’s approach to apologising, and go far deeper than simply uttering the words “I’m sorry”.

Guilt and shame are not the same

Guilt and shame are often used interchangeably, but they work differently. Guilt says: I did something wrong. Shame says: There is something wrong with me.

That difference matters. Guilt often pushes people to repair the damage by apologising, taking responsibility or making amends. Shame can have the opposite effect, leading people to........

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