AI chatbots are designed to validate—prioritizing individual coping, which can undermine connection.

Durable relationships require equal weighting and "we-first" consideration—the opposite of what AI delivers.

AI can impair relationship skills when users forego the reciprocal work that genuine love requires.

Something is undermining American relationships. Not the usual suspects but trusted confidants—ones that are unfailingly validating and designed to take sides. Tens of millions of Americans now turn to AI chatbots when their relationships hit rough spots. What they get back is advice that can intensify the very polarization that needs fixing—or, for dating couples, make it harder to ever commit to one another.

The sensational, headline-grabbing stories tend to involve people who leave their spouses for a chatbot. But the problem that has received far less attention—and that is more common and more harmful—is what AI guidance is doing to relationships every day, long before any breakup.

The answer begins with a structural flaw. Chatbots are trained to be validating. Their commercial incentives—maximizing engagement, time-on-app, and return visits—align with telling users what they like hearing. When someone upset with their partner turns to an AI, the machine empathically reflects their feelings, affirms their framing of events, and centers the response on the individual's coping: self-care, one’s own needs, firm boundaries. What it does not do—and most critically, what it is not trained to do—is hold the strength of the relationship itself as a primary concern.

The One-Sided Account

This design flaw compounds a deeply........

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