The Science of Mating

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Our mate preferences evolved to maximize survival and reproduction, not relationship happiness.

Our gut instincts are good at picking up on danger and flagging problematic partners.

Our gut may not have our best interests at heart when we are attracted to someone.

Picture the scene… You walk into the bar for your date, and there he is—confident, charismatic, flashing a gorgeous smile. There's already a glass of champagne waiting for you, and the conversation flows effortlessly from the start.

You're feeling the spark—that intoxicating cocktail of chemistry, excitement, and promise.

And it feels amazing, doesn’t it? I know this—I’ve been there myself many times.

But here’s the thing I want to tell you—and you might not like this—but that spark isn’t necessarily your friend. At least not when it comes to choosing a good man for a happy, lasting relationship.

Because while your gut instinct is excellent at picking up on danger and for flagging certain types of problematic men, it’s not always so clever when it comes to getting the hots for a guy and making that the basis for your partnering decisions.

Why Your Gut Isn’t Always Right

Let’s start with a rather illuminating experiment by psychologists Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. They asked a group of young speed daters to list what they looked for in a partner. Women typically mentioned ambition and career potential; men noted physical attractiveness. Both genders said personality was extremely important.

But when they........

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