Pew Research Center found that 42% of U.S. adults said they had felt "lonely" at least one or two days during the past week (Pasquini & Keeter, 2023), and an A/B Consulting survey found that 41% of people say a lack of friends or community drives their loneliness (Mikail, 2023). What is loneliness?
In contrast to solitude, loneliness is a distressing feeling accompanying the perception that one's social needs are not being met by the quality or quantity of one's social relationships. Why is it important?
Loneliness carries health consequences. It has been shown to increase the risk of depression, cognitive decline, cardiovascular issues, and even death (Nirappil, 2023). So, in a sense, loneliness is associated with "broken hearts" and is hazardous to your health.
Another study found that loneliness has an out-sized impact on mental and physical health, with health effects exceeding that of smoking 15 cigarettes per day or obesity (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a national advisory warning stating that a lack of "social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished" (Mikail, 2023).
Why are we feeling lonely and socially isolated?
It may be due to our technology use. More than half of Americans spend the majority of their time online, with increasing percentages based on generation membership: 40% of boomers, 56% of Gen X, 64% of millennials, and 73% of Gen Z (Mikail, 2023). Forty-six percent of respondents to the survey spend more time in front of a screen than joining in-person activities and spend 8 or more hours a day on devices. The trouble is, no matter how important or temporarily dopamine-gratifying digital connections are, humans are social animals, and most crave face-to-face, in-person contact.
What are the possible consequences of screen vs. in-person time? An experimental study found that limiting social media use significantly decreases loneliness and depression (Hunt et al., 2018).
Taking a closer look at millennials, a poll conducted five months before the COVID-19 shutdowns found that 30% of folks between 23 and 38 said they often or always "feel lonely" (Ballard, 2019). In this YouGov poll, 30% said they don't have anyone they consider a best friend, 27% said they have no close friends, and 20% said they have "no friends."
On the bright side, 70% of millennials report having at least one best friend, and almost half say they have between one and four "close friends." But reaching for one's smartphone whenever one feels isolated or down can become a reflex and an impulse difficult to resist. Research shows that higher social media use, while advertised as a way to stay connected, tends to exacerbate symptoms of loneliness and depression. What are potential solutions?
1. Don't wait to socialize. A common mistake is setting the fulfillment of particular goals as a prerequisite for spending time with others (e.g., losing some weight, feeling less stressed out, feeling happy, etc.). You don't have to have a new set of clothes or have met New Year's Resolutions to be in shape to have in-person time with others, and you don't necessarily have to "go out" to have a meaningful social connection. Don't let shame, embarrassment, or depression fuel your procrastination on being with others.
2. Look for moments of spontaneous social contact. Engaging strangers has been found to make us feel better (Epley & Schroeder, 2014). Why? We tend to get a boost in mood, we feel like we belong to a community, we can learn useful info from other people, and we can hone our social skills for the next interactional opportunity.
Even shy folks benefit when they push themselves to talk to folks they don't know. Baristas, persons working at the checkout line, and receptionists at doctors' offices are all possible brief conversation partners. For example, I had short- to medium-length conversations with different employees at the local grocery last night, someone who prepared my matcha latte this morning and interacted with a very enthusiastic toddler just this afternoon.
3. Don't take rugged individualism to extremes. Many folks subscribe to the notion that they can, or should, "pull themselves by their bootstraps" and just keep their head down and stay the course during difficult times. But if speaking with even total strangers can produce mood boosts, why deny one's need for basic social contact by going it alone? Wishing contact with others is not a sign of weakness or dependency. It's part of being human and humane to one's self.
In sum, significantly reducing social media use and seeking (and not delaying) connection through real-time conversations with strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family can be a way to reduce feelings of disconnection and loneliness.
Who have you spoken with today?
References
Ballard, J. (2019). Millennials are the loneliest generation. Retrieved at https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/24577-loneliness-friendship-new-friends-poll-survey?redirect_from=%2Ftopics%2Fsociety%2Farticles-reports%2F2019%2F07%2F30%2Floneliness-friendship-new-friends-poll-survey
Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980–1999. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037323
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T.B., & Baker, M. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives in Psychological Science, 10, 227–237.
Hunt, M.G., Marx, R., Lipson, C., Young, J. (2018). No more FOMO: Limiting social media decreases loneliness and depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 37(1), 751-768. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2018.37.10.751
Mikail, A. (2023). We are ‘50% human and 50% technology,’ and it’s fueling an American health crisis. https://fortune.com/well/2023/08/11/loneliness-study-digital-social-media/
Nirrapil, F. (2023). Loneliness poses profound public health threat, surgeon general says. Washington Post. Retrieved at https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2023/05/02/loneliness-health-crisis-surgeon-general/
Pasquini, G., & Keeter, S. (2023). At least four-in-ten U.S. adults have faced high levels of psychological distress during COVID-19 pandemic. Retrieved at https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/12/12/at-least-four-in-ten-u-s-adults-have-faced-high-levels-of-psychological-distress-during-covid-19-pandemic/
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