Mya grew up in a home filled with chaos and domestic violence. She was often punished for small things, and carried with her a constant fear of being in trouble. When worried that she may be about to be punished, her brain began trying to think of ways to excuse or explain whatever minor transgression had taken place. Even as a young child, she had learned the defense mechanism of overexplaining in order to protect herself.

While this may have worked, even somewhat, in childhood, it caused issues in her adult relationships. She often overexplained things that were not necessary. This caused her partner to become annoyed with her at times, and even affected her employment when her boss became suspicious of her tendency to overexplain.

"What should I do?" she asked during a session. So I gave her the following support:

Often, people overexplain when they worry that they are not being heard, understood, or believed. I usually find that this behavior has a root in childhood trauma experiences, particularly in people who have a history of childhood emotional neglect or people who had to fear maltreatment or abuse from a perpetrator.

The act of overexplaining is often a defense mechanism and stress response that comes from that fear of needing to “explain” oneself out of trouble. In the past, explaining may have worked to diffuse the situation or prevent upsetting the perpetrator (in many cases, the parents or........

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