Have you been tagged a “hysterical woman” at work?

Or a "sensitive flower"?

Women should never raise their voices at work. They should never cry. They should never exhibit emotions during meetings. They should not use profanity. Men, on the other hand, can and do all of the above, except maybe cry.

Why are there still different behavioral expectations for men versus women?

Calm down!

Sally, a lawyer, has worked for the last 10 years with a male colleague who frequently is worked up about inconsequential things and is also her number-one rival for promotion. Despite his frequently expressed frustration about virtually everybody and everything at her company, if Sally exhibits any kind of charged emotion in a conference room setting, he often tells her to calm down and uses a push-down motion with his hands as though she is a hysterical female (or maybe he thinks she is a horse).

If the words and gesture are intended to calm her down, he is very misguided. The conundrum Sally faces is that if she pushes back on her colleague's behavior in real time, perception is very likely to position her as a sensitive flower, which leaves her with the choice between being deemed hysterical or sensitive.

It might be time for some humor to settle this challenging situation for Sally. Maybe the next meeting in which this guy decides to use his hands to convey that he thinks she is acting hysterically, she could just say, “Bob, I am not a horse! But I do have very strong opinions about the subject matter we are discussing and want to make sure you hear what I am saying.” It’s worth a try.

Smile!

Abbey was at her desk early Monday morning after a rather challenging family weekend. Her youngest child was sick the entire weekend, her husband was away on a guy’s golf outing, and their family dog ate something he shouldn’t have and was also ill for a day. So, to say the least, Sally was happy to be settled at her office; however, she wasn’t smiling. Her boss had come by and said “Smile, Sally. Just because it's Monday you don’t need to look so unhappy or crabby.”

Can you imagine her boss walking into Joe’s office and saying, “Smile, Joe.” If it would never happen to a man, why does it happen to women? But if and when it does happen to you, just respond with the Mona Lisa Smile.

“There was a smile so pleasing that it was more divine than human” wrote Leonardo da Vinci. The tiny delineations at the corners of the mouth become indistinct, but you still see the shadows there.

Cursing!

Profanity is definitely not "lady-like behavior", but sometimes it is necessary. Karen worked in industrial manufacturing for over 20 years and has heard all kinds of language from the men she worked with closely. It was actually sometimes necessary to repeat some of the profanity to have the men accept and respect her. She didn’t change who she was, but at the factory she could use same language she heard from male peers.

There are men who think that swear demeans women. But when it is part of the male culture, it can be useful in context”. Expletives and profanities are an effective way of communicating emphasis, but their power and effect work only if they are used sparingly.