Setting and keeping boundaries can be hard.
Focusing on safety for yourself and others can be a guide, though beyond that it can be hard to know the “right” answer when it comes to boundary setting.
Poor boundaries can have a negative impact on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health of yourself and those around. Unhealthy boundaries can result in routinely feeling mistreated and misunderstood in personal and professional relationships. Furthermore, unhealthy boundaries can ultimately jeopardize the safety of you and those around you.
You may have learned to receive approval through placating others and having weak boundaries. You may have heard people close to you badmouth those who have firm boundaries because they are unhappy that they didn’t get what they wanted from them. Or you may have received praise from others when you gave in, even if it came at your own expense.
Consider the following fictional examples and think about what you might do in these situations:
Example 1: Stephanie told her boss she needs to leave work on time today. Her son has a school recital this evening and she promised him that she would attend. In the afternoon, Stephanie’s boss tells her an issue was discovered with the project she has been collaborating on and it needs to be fixed immediately, as it’s due to the CEO first thing tomorrow morning. Stephanie is unsure if she can and should keep the boundary she set to leave work on time.
If you were Stephanie, what would you do and why?
Example 2: Mark has repeatedly told his friends that he is trying to eat healthier and reduce his alcohol consumption. He has suggested they get together to do activities such as walking in the park, going to the movies, or having a game night. Mark’s friends appear reluctant and have consistently declined attending these activities. Instead, they keep inviting him out to local bars and clubs. Mark is worried he will drink too much alcohol if he goes to these venues, but is not sure what else he can do if his friends don’t seem to want to spend time together elsewhere.
If you were Mark, what would you do and why?
Your relationship with yourself, others, and the world is nuanced and complex. Your individual experiences help shape who you are. They can also help guide you in setting boundaries.
Since there is no “perfect” response for the scenarios above it might be more helpful to consider what the “healthy” choice would be for Stephanie, Mark, and those around them.
How can your boundary have the healthiest impact for yourself and others?
When facing difficulty related to boundary setting, I encourage you to ask yourself, “What’s the healthiest decision I can make?”
It can be helpful to consider what a wise person may do if faced with your situation. It can also be helpful to talk to loved ones, trusted colleagues, and a professional (e.g. mental or physical health clinician).
It can also be helpful to recognize how flexible your boundaries are.
Let the framework of making healthy decisions guide you in setting boundaries.
You are important, worthwhile, and enough, so be courageous and set healthy boundaries.
You Are Enough, So Stick to Your Boundaries
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28.03.2024
Setting and keeping boundaries can be hard.
Focusing on safety for yourself and others can be a guide, though beyond that it can be hard to know the “right” answer when it comes to boundary setting.
Poor boundaries can have a negative impact on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health of yourself and those around. Unhealthy boundaries can result in routinely feeling mistreated and misunderstood in personal and professional relationships. Furthermore, unhealthy boundaries can ultimately jeopardize the safety of you and those around you.
You may have learned to receive approval through placating others and having weak boundaries. You may have heard people close to you badmouth those who have firm boundaries because they are unhappy that they didn’t get what they wanted........
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