You have a busy work and/or family life and may find yourself trying to balance it out with a long list of self-care tasks: running, practicing yoga, meditating, journaling, reading, going to therapy, taking baths, connecting with friends, and trying a new craft. You are really trying to take care, but there is only so much time in one day. It can feel overwhelming and boomerang around to stress the very nervous system you were trying to take care of: yours.
One reason New Year’s resolutions don’t last is that they can require too much change, too quickly. In addition, there are an infinite number of activities that may qualify as self-care, and you may be trying to do too many of them at once. At some point, trying to work through a list of them can become more stressful than care-full.
If your resolutions or intentions just add to this to-do pile, it can backfire later with feelings of guilt, shame or frustration toward yourself. If this happens, try making your new intention to simplify your life.
Marie Kondo, the legendary tidying expert, advises people when helping them to clean and organize their homes: “Keep only what sparks joy, and be at peace with letting go of all the rest.”
She also says, “To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose.”
We can apply this advice directly to our self-care routine too.
But what if everything sparks joy?
Then you, friend, have a wonderful full life that is worth celebrating in and of itself; however, you may struggle making decisions for yourself to narrow your options down. Try choosing just one or two self-care tasks each day to do really well. Slow down and savor the single act of self-care you choose. Slowing down can be the new goal; savoring the new achievement.
With the aid of mindful awareness, each and every task can become a meditation of sorts, and it will matter less which self-care task you choose, and more how you go about it. Simplifying our daily routine and slowing down, or even pausing between tasks, can prevent us from rushing through yet another day to crash on the couch. While finally resting at the end of a long day can feel like self-care, it may not be as restorative as pausing throughout the day or taking your time with each task in front of you. Finding joy in multiple moments throughout the day invites more flow and lightness within any given moment and within each part of your self-care routine.
What gets in the way? Surprisingly, a compulsion toward intensity is #11.
One thing that can get in our way of simplifying our self-care routines is intensity. Intensity may perpetuate an urge for constant busyness and hook those of us who experience a low threshold for boredom, a constant need to be validated, or an urge to be constantly productive. A compulsion for intensity may include the temptation to exaggerate experiences, bring more energy than necessary to tasks, or avoid feeling the things we feel when all is quiet. Intensity can create an illusion of more vitality – but it’s just an illusion. It actually hides the true power of passion that comes from paying attention. Intensity is the shadow of open-heartedness, meaning, and standing in our core.
Simplifying your self-care routine may help to maintain the integrity of each act of self-care. And similar to Marie Kondo’s advice, keep the practices that are life-affirming to you and let go of the rest. In addition, acknowledge not just what you do each day that matters, but who you are at your core.
References
1. Arrien, A.(1993). The Four-Fold Way: Walking Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer, and Visionary. New York: HarperCollins.
When Self-Care Backfires
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25.01.2024
You have a busy work and/or family life and may find yourself trying to balance it out with a long list of self-care tasks: running, practicing yoga, meditating, journaling, reading, going to therapy, taking baths, connecting with friends, and trying a new craft. You are really trying to take care, but there is only so much time in one day. It can feel overwhelming and boomerang around to stress the very nervous system you were trying to take care of: yours.
One reason New Year’s resolutions don’t last is that they can require too much change, too quickly. In addition, there are an infinite number of activities that may qualify as self-care, and you may be trying to do too many of them at once. At some point, trying to work through a list of them can become more stressful than care-full.
If your resolutions or intentions just add to this to-do pile, it can backfire later with feelings of guilt,........
© Psychology Today
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