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Whether intentional or not, cold behavior conveys the message that you are not seen, heard, or appreciated.

Perceived coldness can be hard to sit with when you are feeling anxious; this may lead to false assumptions.

It's important to remember there are many reasons why people can unintentionally come off as cold.

You can acknowledge unmet expectations for warmth, share your own cold moments, and use your energy wisely.

I sent my doctor an article that explained my symptoms. His response: “Response reviewed. No need to respond.”

I showed a friend my latest painting. She said, “I hope you’re happy with it,” without saying whether she liked it.

When I texted other members of a parent group about going to a carnival together, nobody commented on my suggestion.

These are examples of gripes I’ve heard from friends and clients. I, too, have experienced similar responses that can be described as “cold,” and sometimes no responses at all.

Cold behavior isn’t necessarily malicious, but, whether intentional or not, it conveys the message that you are not seen, heard, or appreciated. Cold behavior can trigger unsettling feelings, especially in individuals with trouble tolerating uncertainty about what others think of them.

Research has shown, for example, that people with social anxiety are more likely to misinterpret neutral faces as angry, which suggests that, in anxious people, cold behavior can trigger the brain’s threat detection system (threat sensitivity) to issue false alarms.

Negative assumptions, such as believing you did something to make the person act coldly towards you, or that the person is a jerk, can lead to self-sabotaging behavior that results in feeling more isolated. For example, one might assume another person’s apparent coldness is calculated or intentionally passive-aggressive and respond........

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