Rachel, a 40-year-old client of mine, sat in front of me heaving with sobs.
Finally, she said, "Dr. Jeff, I kept giving and giving to Gabe. I don't know what I did wrong but I just wasn't enough for him. My friends kept saying he was a narcissist and that narcissists are toxic in relationships. But I just thought if he could see that I loved him, he would change for the better. Instead, he just dumped me."
As you can see from Rachel's story, the self-centered and manipulative behavior of narcissists can cause harm to their partners, as they may be unable to give and healthily receive love. Still, while bearing the challenges of narcissists in mind, it is important not to vilify them.
Despite their outward displays of confidence and superiority, narcissists can experience a significant amount of pain and insecurity. This pain may stem from a variety of sources, such as past trauma, feelings of inadequacy, or a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned.
Narcissists may also experience a profound sense of shame and self-loathing, which they may attempt to mask with their grandiose behavior and attitudes. They may be afraid to reveal their vulnerabilities and insecurities to others, for fear of being seen as weak or unworthy.
Additionally, narcissists may struggle with their internal contradictions. For example, they may crave attention and admiration from others, but also resent and envy those who receive it. They may desire intimate relationships but also fear the vulnerability and emotional intimacy that comes with them. Still, despite their struggles, narcissists can impose emotional turmoil on those who love them.
Managing a narcissistic partner can be a challenging task, but some strategies can help. Here are a few suggestions:
Overall, narcissists can be very damaging to relationships due to their self-centered behavior and lack of concern for others. It can be difficult to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a narcissist, and it may be necessary to seek professional help or end the relationship altogether if the suggestions above do not help. Remember that managing a narcissistic partner can be a difficult and ongoing process. It's important to take care of yourself and set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Bernstein, J. (2003) Why Can't You Read My Mind? Da Capo Books, New York, NY.
Bojana M. Dinić, Anđelka Jovanović, (2021) Shades of narcissistic love: Relations between narcissism dimensions and love styles,
Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 175, 110707, ISSN 0191-8869, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2021.110707.
(https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886921000829)
Czarna, A., Magdalena Ś., Wider, M., Dufner, M. Sedikides, C. (2022) Narcissism and partner-enhancement at different relationship stages,
Journal of Research in Personality, Volume 98, 104212, ISSN 0092-6566, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2022.104212.
(https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0092656622000253)
A Chat GPT Poem About Narcissists
When writing this post, I asked Chat GPT to provide me with a poem to highlight the hurtful games that narcissists play. Let's give some profs to ChatGPT for nailing it with this poem!
A narcissist's heart beats for one, Their ego the only rising sun. They see the world as their stage and play their part with arrogant rage.
Their love is but a shallow sea, A reflection of what they want to be. They seek to control and manipulate and feed on others to elevate.
Beware the charm that they display, For it's a mask that quickly fades away. A narcissist's love is but a lie, A mirage that fades when you get nigh.
5 Ways Narcissists Damage Loving Relationships
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Rachel, a 40-year-old client of mine, sat in front of me heaving with sobs.
Finally, she said, "Dr. Jeff, I kept giving and giving to Gabe. I don't know what I did wrong but I just wasn't enough for him. My friends kept saying he was a narcissist and that narcissists are toxic in relationships. But I just thought if he could see that I loved him, he would change for the better. Instead, he just dumped me."
As you can see from Rachel's story, the self-centered and manipulative behavior of narcissists can cause harm to their partners, as they may be unable to give and healthily receive love. Still, while bearing the challenges of narcissists in mind, it is important not to vilify them.
Despite their outward displays of confidence and superiority, narcissists can experience a significant amount of pain and insecurity. This pain may stem from a variety of sources, such as past trauma, feelings of inadequacy, or a deep-seated fear of being........
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