High‑conflict behavior often escalates gradually, ending in public challenges to reputation.

Early subtle boundary‑crossing behaviors often signal a larger pattern, not isolated incidents.

Strategic, early boundary‑setting helps prevent high‑conflict escalation.

You’re in the middle of your presentation, waiting for all to join the Kahoot on their phones, when a colleague gets up from her seat, walks up, and taps your shoulder. Right there, in front of everyone, she tells you to "fix" what you do. This type of public call-out is rarely an isolated event; it's the "grand finale" of a series of smaller, boundary-crossing things you let slide weeks ago. Welcome to another episode of the high-conflict game.

Bill Eddy, an expert in high-conflict personalities, estimates that about 1 in 10 people exhibit high-conflict behavior, including a preoccupation with blame, conflict escalation, unmanaged emotions, and all-or-nothing thinking. They often engage in “extreme behavior”—things that 90% of people would never dream of doing. While these patterns create dysfunction across healthcare, education, family, and the legal system, they are uniquely draining in the workplace.

This article is written for professionals who find themselves pulled into conflict management at work. The cost of dealing with HCP is high in terms of time, energy, reputation, relationships, and job security. Recognizing these observable patterns is the first step to staying strategic, avoiding common traps, and preserving professional resources.

To see how this “1-in-10” dynamic plays out in real-time, consider the case of an instructor from the fitness industry. Jane, a pilates instructor, joined John's aerobics class. Over the weeks, John noticed Jane’s behavior was increasingly driven by attention-seeking and boundary-testing. She spoke and laughed loudly during sets, and after class, she took charge of the cleanup to ensure her "helpfulness" was noticed by everyone. She even began staying late to pull John into long discussions about her personal problems and complaints about clients.

Then came the "grand finale." During a full class, Jane walked over to the front of the room, physically adjusted the heavy equipment John was using as a demonstration, tapped his shoulder, and turned to the class to say, "Let's make this easier for everyone to follow. It's too difficult, could you be easy on us, okay?" This was a public challenge to John’s expertise, his safety protocols, and his leadership.

High-conflict personalities often engage in resource pulling. Most commonly, they first target your time and emotional energy. From there, they may recruit negative advocates—individuals who adopt the HCP’s narrative—to amplify tension, spread rumors, and undermine your reputation. This directly affects who you work with, what opportunities you’re offered, and your potential for advancement.

Reasonable individuals treat professional resources carefully (by keeping conflict contained, focusing on solving problems, and prioritizing productivity). Even when upset, their goal is typically to resolve the issue and move on. High-conflict individuals operate according to fundamentally different principles. They engage in behaviors that disrupt others’ resources (boundaries, reputations) with attention-seeking and issuing public challenges.

In the fitness scenario presented here, Jane’s behavior does more than interrupt the class—it puts John in a difficult position with his clients, his most important professional resource in the referral economy. He can be nice and apologize, or do what Jane said, but he risks losing credibility with his clients (because once you apologize, you admit you needed to be corrected); if he ignores her, he comes across as a dismissive coworker. In both cases, the apology or correcting himself would position Jane as having authority over him. Jane’s initial kindness, such as helping with the heavier equipment, was the start of a boundary-testing behavior that eventually led to that “grand finale.”

Once you recognize the pattern, respond in a way that protects your resources. In our book, SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ Steps, we outline strategies that are essential for protecting your time, authority, and credibility. To de-escalate tension in the moment, the EAR statement (Empathy, Attention, and Respect) can be used. For example, John could say, "All students in the class may only adjust the positioning of their personal equipment, not the instructor's, and I understand that this class may feel challenging, especially if you’re relatively new. I’d like to hear more about your concerns. Let’s discuss it after class. For now, I’m going to continue with the already established class structure so everyone is treated the same.” This response reestablishes class expectations, frames the issue as a standard rather than John’s personal preference, and reinforces Jane’s role as a student while reducing opportunities for debate.

In private after class, John could explain that many clients return for the level of difficulties or challenges he provides. Dropping the expected class setup would be unfair to the clients. He can offer modifications to make exercises manageable to do. For more difficult high-conflict cases, you can use the 4-part CARS response, which helps you connect with the person, analyze options, respond to misinformation, and set firm limits. These skills aren't about “winning” or dominating; they are about managing disruptive behaviors constructively while upholding your professionalism (Eddy & Ricci, 2025). High-conflict individuals often require consequences beyond personal boundaries, such as formal structures that limit their access to your time and attention.

Reasonable individuals often do not pay attention to their resources until they are gone. High-conflict individuals are acutely aware of resources and may be aggressive in acquiring or exhausting others' resources by pushing boundaries. The goal isn’t to avoid “friendly” colleagues, but rather to recognize what may be behind friendliness and to respond in ways that protect your professional resources. Remember, being nice or friendly at work without boundaries is often used as an anchor for boundary pushing.

Protect your resources!

Eddy, B., & Ricci, E. (2025). SLIC solutions for conflict: Setting limits and imposing consequences in 2½ steps. Unhooked Books.https://www.unhookedmedia.com/stock/p/slic-solutions-for-conflict

There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.

By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

© Psychology Today