Retaliatory sentiments are often spoken silently in our minds, and sometimes aloud. We react to people and events with hostility and aggression. We might hear ourselves think or say any of the following statements and not recognize them as retaliation.

There are alternatives to retaliating. Let’s look at the practice of going beyond retaliation. We can engage in all four steps, or however many of them are appropriate for the person or for the nature of the relationship:

1. We can pause and let ourselves feel grief about our suffering, if only for a moment. Grief is a combination of sadness that we were injured, anger at the one who inflicted the........

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