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Alexandra Petri

Alexandra Petri

Washington Post

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Hello, baby

14.01.2025 80

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Let’s try something different in how we deal with polio

04.01.2025 60

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Good news! 2025 will be full of AI!

28.12.2024 40

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Someone give me a ton of money so I can finally tell Elon to leave

20.12.2024 5

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Why does Kash Patel want to be in charge of the slugs?

12.12.2024 50

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Billionaires, ‘Christmas Carol’-proof your home with our security system

Fearful of crime, the tech elite transform their homes into military bunkers By incorporating drones, facial recognition and high-tech sensors,...

11.12.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

I’m not afraid to say it: Annexing Canada is not a good idea

Sorry, Greenland. You had your shot. Now it’s Canada’s turn. Donald Trump, taking a page from his classic playbook (though playbook might be too...

05.12.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Make Thanksgiving Efficient Again

Wow! Where to begin! Elon Musk here. You might know me from the Department of Government Efficiency, a.k.a. DOGE (get it?), or from the fact that...

28.11.2024 20

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

RFK Jr. to head newly formed Department of Disease Efficiency

Well, President-elect Donald Trump has picked Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as the new head of the Department of Health and Human Services. “He wants to do...

15.11.2024 200

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Trump’s Cabinet is a dream

14.11.2024 90

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Donald Trump doesn’t need your consent. Or your advice!

13.11.2024 2

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

I’m the only one who knows what really went wrong with this campaign

Like lots of people on the internet right now, I am certain that the thing that went wrong in the 2024 Harris campaign is the very thing that I...

09.11.2024 30

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Oh, so we have to keep doing this forever

One must imagine Sisyphus exhausted. One must imagine Sisyphus was up late putting his kid to bed and now the boulder thing again? Didn’t we just...

07.11.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Elmo tries to understand the electoral college

I have been trying to explain the electoral college to my preschooler. It has been going poorly. And Bluey unfortunately is no help because they do...

31.10.2024 70

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

It has fallen to me, the humor columnist, to endorse Harris for president

27.10.2024 1000

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Trump and Harris on the issues: A guide for undecided voters

Wow! It might not feel like it, but Election Day is so close! Hard to believe that four years have already passed since the last one. Yet here we...

26.10.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

If Trump is really a fascist, then call me a fool

25.10.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Songs and dance moves from Trump’s weird rally, reviewed

Not that it was ever exceptionally strong to begin with, but I feel I have lost my hold on reality. I could have sworn that Donald Trump...

16.10.2024 200

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Poor Donald Trump can’t get anyone to believe him

15.10.2024 2

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Fascinated by genetics? Where are the peas Trump made to fornicate?

12.10.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

in the room where they control the weather

11.10.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

With no fact-checks, it turns out Vance and Walz agree on everything!

Moderators: Welcome to the first and only vice-presidential debate of 2024. We won’t fact-check you, but we will ask pointedly whether your...

02.10.2024 50

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Live, on-air fact-checking? That was so last month.

01.10.2024 40

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

An exclusive look at ‘Melania,’ by Melania

27.09.2024 20

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

It is so much nicer being a woman in Trump’s world

“You will no longer be abandoned, lonely or scared. You will no longer be in danger. You’re not gonna be in danger any longer. You will no longer...

25.09.2024 70

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Uncovered forum posts by Tim Walz could shake up race

21.09.2024 550

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Every time JD Vance tells a story, a sinkhole swallows 30 people

18.09.2024 200

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

We said we’d take abortion ‘to the states’ — not the people in them!

Dear Petitioner, We thank you for your petition to place an abortion rights measure on the ballot in [Name of State]. We have enjoyed reading it...

14.09.2024 40

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

The Trump-Harris debate, summarized

Moderator David Muir: Hello! Welcome to the presidential debate, Vice President Kamala Harris and former president Donald Trump. Your challenges...

11.09.2024 60

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

The Wonderful Trump Headline Machine

07.09.2024 80

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

The Harris-Walz CNN interview, summarized

In case anyone did not have the hour required to watch CNN’s interview with Vice President Kamala Harris and Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (and also some...

31.08.2024 20

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

JD Vance writes a rom-com

30.08.2024 4

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

RFK Jr.’s worm here: I guess I’m supporting Trump, too

There clearly is only one logical home for me in the 2024 election. I did not want to say so earlier for fear of alienating my host. My host,...

24.08.2024 200

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Let’s fact-check some historic speeches

What George Washington, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus got wrong. Mostly false: This man shall not be consigned to the mansions of rest....

21.08.2024 20

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

What makes your day? I’m taking your jokes.

More chats from Alexandra Petri HAND CURATED Opinion | Where do bad rainbows go? I’m taking your jokes. 1 hour ago Opinion | Where do bad rainbows...

20.08.2024 3

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Take a Donald Trump-style math quiz

He speaks for 60 minutes, then 90 more minutes. How great is that? No looking at your neighbor's paper! (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post) By...

17.08.2024 100

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

What events need to be added to the Olympics? I was taking your jokes.

More chats from Alexandra Petri HAND CURATED Opinion | Chat with Alexandra Petri and tell her your jokes August 20, 2024 Opinion | Chat with...

14.08.2024 2

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Trump will gladly debate under the following conditions

That it be held in front of a rally-size crowd of women (all 10s), etc. A combined photo of former president Donald Trump at a campaign rally in...

11.08.2024 200

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Tim Walz unleashes hell on Earth

“‘Ope!’ With Abandon, All Ye Who Enter Here” Tim Walz, plotting his next malevolence, no doubt. (Adam Bettcher/AP) By Alexandra Petri August...

08.08.2024 750

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Should Snoop Dogg be a moderator for the presidential debate? I was taking your jokes.

More chats from Alexandra Petri HAND CURATED Opinion | Should Snoop Dogg be a moderator for the presidential debate? I’m taking your jokes. 1 hour...

07.08.2024 10

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Your Grace, we’d never suggest you stop talking! Just do it down here!

In fact, here is your microphone! It only appears unplugged! Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump at a campaign event in Harrisburg, Pa.,...

02.08.2024 10

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

I hate the Gemini ‘Dear Sydney’ ad more every passing moment

You’re missing it! You’re missing all of it! By Alexandra Petri July 31, 2024 at 8:36 a.m. EDT Let me tell you about the Gemini “Dear Sydney”...

31.07.2024 80

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

What’s Greek for ‘gobbledygook’? I’m taking your jokes.

Alexandra’s live chat with readers started at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Submit your questions now. By Alexandra Petri July 30, 2024 at 11:00 a.m. EDT...

30.07.2024 1

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

When Trump said we ‘won’t have to vote’ again, he meant something else!

Something bad is definitely coming, but it has to do with magma, not autocracy! Republican presidential nominee at a campaign rally in St. Cloud,...

30.07.2024 50

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

GOP leadership begs members to stop saying quiet part out loud

I see it says, “Don’t make racist, sexist attacks on VP Harris.” I’m confused. House Speaker Rep. Mike Johnson (R-La.) talks with Vice President...

25.07.2024 2

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Is it still okay to laugh? I was taking your jokes.

Alexandra’s live chat with readers started at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Read the transcript. By Alexandra Petri July 23, 2024 at 11:00 a.m. EDT Humor...

23.07.2024 3

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Off the record, I am resigned to the Big Bad Wolf

Look, if I lived in a straw house myself, I would be very concerned. The U.S. Capitol on July 15. (Craig Hudson for The Washington Post) By...

17.07.2024 2

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

Are Democrats doomed?

Post columnists debate the weight of their bags of despair. Delegates cheer at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee on Monday. (Melina...

17.07.2024 4

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri

What’s your take on the RNC cover band? I’m taking your jokes.

Alexandra's live chat with readers starts at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Submit your questions now. Share Add to your saved stories Save Humor columnist...

16.07.2024 2

Washington Post

Alexandra Petri