Don’t look now, but Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are returning to the United Kingdom and to the headlines. My reaction? As Valley Girls used to say, gag me with a fork.

I love London and St. Andrews, Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher, Chaucer and Shakespeare, the Beatles and the Stones. British food? Not so much. But everything else? I’m a confirmed Anglophile.

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Except for the royals. 

With apologies to my British friends, the royal family is the laziest, most overpaid, most overrated, most dysfunctional, greediest bunch of grifters this side of the U.S. House of Representatives.

And the most useless of all, the whiniest and most narcissistic of all the royals — and there’s a lot of competition for that title (I’m looking at you, former Prince Andrew) — are Harry and Meghan.

One of the biggest lies about the royals is that they benefit the U.K. through their selfless work on behalf of the British people. The second biggest lie is that they actually make money for the British economy through attracting tourism revenue.

Both arguments are demonstrably false. Look at the calendar of any of the so-called “working royals.” A few times a month, they’ll visit a hospital, a school, or a military base. The rest of the time, they’re lounging around. They spend far more time hunting and........

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