A group of four stagger out of a pub in Britain at around 11.20 on a Thursday night. The search begins for somewhere to have one more drink without a £20 entry fee. Men on doors say no by shaking their heads. Pubs show their appetite for more visitors by turning their lights up a little brighter than an exploding sun. There are bars open, but the mark-up on a glass of white seems out of sync with the occasion and the bank balance. Half an hour’s increasingly muted search ends halfway across the other side of town. Nothing is open. Google maps is opened. Everyone mutters goodbye.
If we were given late-night pubs, it would be carnage for two weeks, and then we would shun them
Some of us younger Brits have become agitated at how early everything shuts. Pubs open after midnight are extremely rare all across the country. It is true that a trip to anywhere else will sharpen the rage. New York is the city that never sleeps. French restaurants serve three-course meals at 11 p.m. You can find an open bar in a small Spanish town still serving at 3 a.m.
But it wouldn’t be a good thing over here. Have you been in a pub at 1.a.m? Hardly anyone is there. Those who are, well, they’re talking above things like the aural range of dogs. The stomach is at capacity with pints. A negroni would be nice, but you are in a Greene King, sir.
The economist Paul Anthony Samuelson came up with the concept of revealed preferences. The basic idea is that people’s habits show what they really want. You can’t trust what they say they want. If there was a real demand for late night pubs, there would be more of them. Really, we all know hat getting the bus home at 11, after a few, is a pleasure. Scrambling for an Uber on 3 per cent phone battery induces a howl of despair.
Lots of people think it would be great to go for a meal after some drinks as well, if only restaurants were open for a quick bite at 10.30ish. This is a false economy. Your mouth will be too dulled to taste anything worth paying a decent whack for. If you have been drinking for over two hours, you will feel too full. The chefs, at the tail-end of a gruelling shift, will be cooking with resentment. In the morning, the bill will sting. Keep bagels at home.
There are, of course, late night options: a club (go on, how much do you want to carry on the night?), a trip to someone’s flat, or it’s carriages. If the night is fun, you should commit. True, clubs are usually too sticky and expensive. But a detour to someone else’s for cheaper booze, a music speaker, and perhaps the treat of an indoor cigarette, is usually the right call.
If we were given late-night pubs, it would be carnage for two weeks, and then we would shun them. Those who did frequent them could not be trusted with that sudden licence. Berlin has something called Späties: offies with a staggeringly good selection of beers and pleasant seating areas outside to sit and drink with friends. They are never, ever closed.
Yet they are hardly ever busy either. They are a useful backstop. If they were introduced to Britain, A&E workers would look back fondly at the pandemic. Perhaps there should be small exemptions for Fridays and Saturdays, where pubs could be open until 1.a.m. to prevent an unnecessary stamp on the hand. During the week, any pub that closes before 11 p.m. should have its licence revoked.
Nimbys may have dented Britain’s productivity, quietened the last sparks of architectural energy, and condemned the young to perpetual renting. But on pubs they might be doing us a favour. This is good for me, I tell myself as the barman rings the bell. Those that groan don’t really want another.
Last orders / Thank goodness pubs shut at 11
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10.04.2024
A group of four stagger out of a pub in Britain at around 11.20 on a Thursday night. The search begins for somewhere to have one more drink without a £20 entry fee. Men on doors say no by shaking their heads. Pubs show their appetite for more visitors by turning their lights up a little brighter than an exploding sun. There are bars open, but the mark-up on a glass of white seems out of sync with the occasion and the bank balance. Half an hour’s increasingly muted search ends halfway across the other side of town. Nothing is open. Google maps is opened. Everyone mutters goodbye.
If we were given late-night pubs, it would be carnage for two weeks, and then we would shun them
Some of us younger Brits have become agitated at how early everything shuts. Pubs open after midnight are extremely rare all across the country. It is true that a trip to anywhere else will sharpen the rage. New York is the city that........
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