It’s Christmas time. No, not “holiday time”—this is Donald Trump’s America, and in 2025 MAGA actually stands for Make America Goyim Again. It’s a time of caring, of hope and of giving, all things Jesus wished for in his bar mitzvah speech. (Yes Nick Fuentes, the Messiah was Jewish.)

So with that in mind, I wanted to help out those truly devoted Cabinet members and Trump staffers with suggestions for what to bring to the White House Christmas party. After all, the symbol of the GOP is an elephant—and it is a very white elephant. Am I being unfair? Not when most MAGA rallies are paler than a pickleball game in North Dakota.

(Please note: This is a bit of a different gift exchange, for all gifts are given to the president. Best to ignore the traditional $20 cap.)

Kristi Noem: Assuming Kristi still has her job, I would suggest she give the president an ICE Barbie doll that looks just like her. Or should that be a Bratz doll? No matter, on second thought, it’s redundant. She is an ICE Barbie doll; she just needs to show up in costume.

And one pro-tip, Kristi: don’t get

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