Ok, I didn’t notice quite as many people complaining about Christmas being cancelled this year and aggressively saying that they’d say: “Merry Christmas!” to people whether they like it or not… It may have been because thanks to the fact that Labor is in power, they had so many other things to complain about… like the fact that Labor is in power and the election is still a long way off…

Although Clive Palmer’s ventriloquist dummy in the Senate, Ralph Babet did send out a Christmas message where he complained about people dividing the community by saying things like “Happy holidays”, and if there’s one thing he can’t abide it’s people who divide us when we all should be one country with one flag and one point of view… which just happens to be the one that he has.

Whatever, I’m going to wish you all a Merry Christmas… even Mark Latham who was X-ing a thought – and I use the word loosely – about the Sydney rain and how this meant that bushfires were unlikely so those Greens were wrong for the fourth year in a row. Of course, he ignored the fact that they were right in 2019 when we had so much of Australia burning that our Prime Minister had to retreat to Hawaii for safety. Still, if you’re going to chastise a political opponent for getting things wrong, it weakens your case to admit that they have occasionally got it right. Either way, I’m not sure that rain in December necessarily means that we’re completely safe from bushfires before the summer is out. After all, the Ash Wednesday bushfires were in February… Still that happened last century and Mark has a way of ignoring anything that happened a long time ago… Like the fact that he was in a different political party… or the fact that he was gloating that he and Pauline were still buddies and all the lefties were wrong and they stayed buddies until Mark become too offensive even for her after being deemed too offensive for Sky After Dark a few years before that.

So Merry Christmas from me, Mark, because I’m wishing everyone that no matter how much of a tosser they are. I’m full of the warmth of the Christmas spirit and I’m not referring to any eggnog brandy or other cocktails… One thing I’ve always said about cocktails is that they tend to be exaggerated so one shouldn’t listen to them any more than one should allow anyone to upset one’s day on Christmas. If your Uncle Brian happens to be telling you how great it was that the Voice was defeated, just smile and nod and tell him that it was defeated so he should just stop using his because we all voted against him speaking… It’s not true but it’ll confuse his argument long enough that you can bring up something like how good it is that Collingwood were premiers which will get him talking about that if he’s a Pies supporter and if he’s not, it’ll annoy him more than anything so he’ll complain for ten minutes how a free kick paid/not paid in Round 16 was the only reason that they won…

Whatever, try and have a good day and if you’ve been good, Santa will give you lots of presents but if you’ve been bad, Matt Canavan will give you a lump of coal.

Merry Christmas!