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John Boston | Mr. SCV’s Picks for the Big November Election

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Crappies. The fish. Not the bad poopie San Francisco street language. Missed the deadline. Yesterday was my Mighty Newspaper’s Absolute Can’t Write Nothin’ About What Type Of Creature You’d Like To See In Public Office After Oct. 15 Cutoff. For Humanity’s Sake, I hope I’m not too late with my endorsements:

CALIFORNIA PROPOSITION 470B — The Education Matters Initiative. Sponsored by the powerful California Teachers Union, mandates that if any public kindergarten teacher stutters, then all teachers at all grade levels must stutter. Includes college teachers as well (although, who’d notice). Will increase average class attendance by an average of 11 hours daily, which, strangely, many parents kind of like. Measure also cuts teacher in-class time by 1.5 hours daily with yet another braindead education justification: “…guess the kids will just have to behave themselves while they’re alone.” VOTE: (with kissy-face enthusiasm) — “PRESENT!!”

CALIFORNIA PROP. 2 — The Multiple Mask Mandate. Requires citizens (but not illegal immigrants or domestic terrorists) to wear masks covering their mouths, noses, eyeballs, ears, armpits, balls of their feet, belly buttons and naughty parts to help stop the spread of COVID-19. Makes it illegal to eat off plates and requires all meals to be served on surgical masks. Sponsored by Acme Surgical Mask, Condom & Party Favors Co., Stevenson Ranch, CA. VOTE: Why Not. We’ve been pretty........

© Santa Clarita Valley Signal

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