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Development of the prefrontal cortex continues through the 20s.

Frontal lobe development improves emotional regulation and might lead to reevaluation of relationships.

Although the circuits are developing, they are also responsive to experience.

It's hard to disentangle structural and functional changes when trying to explain behaviour.

There are lots of reasons why relationships fall apart; all kinds of incompatibilities can doom romance. Some are trivial, but occasionally there might be something more profound at the root of an estrangement.

Recently, the concept of the “frontal lobe breakup” appeared in popular culture. The idea is that the final stage of development in the executive regions of the brain—the frontal lobes—changes someone’s perspective about their relationship. The onset of advanced cognitive skills in one partner creates a gap in maturity too big to bridge.

“The same clarity seeped into my relationship. The rose-colored haze I’d been clinging to lifted, and suddenly I couldn’t unsee the truth: I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t going to be.” (Olivia Tauber, Huffington Post)

“The same clarity seeped into my relationship. The rose-colored haze I’d been clinging to lifted, and suddenly I couldn’t unsee the truth: I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t going to be.” (Olivia Tauber, Huffington Post)

It seems a sad turn of fate that by awakening new mental clarity, brain development makes love unsustainable.

But can it be true that a pattern of mid-20s breakups can be explained by changes in neuroanatomy?

Frontal lobe maturation

It’s certainly true that the prefrontal cortex, the “executive” region of the brain, is not fully developed until the late 20s. There is a final period of remodelling in both grey and white matter, when a combination of synaptic pruning, stabilization, and increased myelination refines the circuits of the prefrontal cortex so that they operate with greater efficiency, connectivity, and speed (Kolk & Rakic, 2022).

This process begins in puberty, peaks during adolescence, and continues throughout the 20s. Everyone reaches the “end” at different ages, but typically in their late 20s to early 30s.

The prefrontal cortex controls many behaviours, so transformation of language skills and personality traits are seen at this stage (in the transition from dependent child to independent adult), but in the context of relationships, the key frontal lobe functions will be about emotional regulation—impulse control and moderation of risk-taking and reward-seeking behaviours.

Long-term love in a relationship always requires finding a balance between impulsive drives and executive oversight. We can fall wildly in love with someone who excites us at an emotional level but understand intellectually that they are not a good match. The chemistry may be strong, but the compatibility is weak.

As the prefrontal cortex completes development, it will become easier to exercise critical judgment to overrule romantic thrill seeking, but these superior decision-making skills don’t just passively appear when the cortex is finally mature. There isn’t a sudden personal epiphany when the last synapse is pruned.

The developmental process is actively driven by the experiences we have during our teens and 20s. The maturation process in the prefrontal cortex is responsive to the social environment that we are in as it’s happening.

In other words, the wobbles and mistakes of romantic life that we experience are what determine the course of cortical refinement.

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It’s not just a matter of hardware

Another really big part of the story that’s missing is that executive function is not just about anatomy. The activity within these neural networks is dynamic. It changes in response to our experiences. Even fully developed circuits can be recalibrated, making some rewards overpowering.

The reward system of the brain is not static hardware. It can undergo a process known as incentive sensitization (Berridge & Robinson, 2016), where the “wanting” drive powered by dopamine is reinforced at the same time as executive control from the prefrontal cortex is weakened.

I’m fascinated by limerence, which is an altered mental state that about half the population can fall into during the early stages of romantic love (Bellamy, 2025). During limerence, another person can become so powerful a natural reward that all rational constraints fail. The euphoric high caused by the other person feels irresistible.

That’s why midlifers with fully developed frontal lobes can still fall into wild infatuations that confound all the benefits of their anatomical maturity.

Furthermore, limerence doesn’t last forever. If a romantic relationship is formed during limerence in the early 20s, the fireworks will naturally fade within a couple of years. At that point, the exhilarating chemistry will no longer be enough to trump any incompatibilities that make a long-term relationship unworkable. Passionate attraction and contented attachment aren’t always embodied in the same person.

The new emotional and intellectual perspective that arises in the mid-20s could just as easily be a change in function as a change in anatomy—as the honeymoon period of early love fades and the relationship is viewed with sober clarity.

When the natural progression of a love affair runs in parallel to cortical development, who’s to say how much of the fading rose-colored glow is due to anatomical or operational changes?

Olivia Tauber, Huffington Post, accessed Feb 2026: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/age-25-breakup-science-frontal-lobe-brai…

Kolk SM, Rakic P (2022). Development of prefrontal cortex. Neuropsychopharmacology 47: 41–57.

Bellamy T (2025). Smitten: Romantic obsession, the neuroscience of limerence, and how to make love last. Watkins, London.

Berridge K, and Robinson T (2016). Liking, wanting, and the incentive sensitization theory of addiction. The American Psychologist. 71: 670-679.

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