In May 2006, Guy Goma was sitting in the reception area of the BBC, patiently waiting to be interviewed for a job in the IT department. After a short while, a show producer called out his name and escorted him to the studio, where he was prepared with makeup, wired up with a microphone, and seated in front of cameras. Confused, he followed along, not wanting to cause a scene.
Only after the cameras started rolling, did he realize there had been a mistake. He was indeed being interviewed, but about his expert opinion on a legal dispute about which he knew nothing – on national television, and broadcast live to millions of people! Meanwhile, the real expert – journalist Guy Kewney – was still sitting in the waiting area, bewildered by the unfolding event on the TV screens.
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Although this is not a classic case of impostorism, he must have felt like an impostor. And while most of us would not likely be mistaken for somebody else on live national television, we know when we feel out of place. We would feel unqualified for the task ahead; struggling with self-doubts, fearful of being found out and branded as a fraud pretending to be someone we are not. Or at least this is what it can feel like when we experience the impostor phenomenon.
The Story You Tell Yourself About Yourself
Becoming an impostor can happen quite naturally. Your mind tries to make sense of the world by gathering information and looking for patterns. All of your experiences serve as pieces of a puzzle, which your mind then uses to create a narrative – about who you are, what you are good at, what you struggle with, what you like and dislike, what your personality is, and everything else you believe about yourself. Your mind creates the story of the true you.
This is a normal process and it’s impossible to avoid. For instance, you may have noticed yourself feeling anxious in groups of people and having a hard time socializing with others, and so you concluded that you’re an introvert who prefers spending his evenings at home alone instead of going out with friends. All is well and good as long as your story reflects how you wish to spend your life. But what if you want things that don’t align with your self-story?
What if, for instance, your boss asks you to give a presentation in front of a large crowd, or you need to network effectively to progress your career opportunities? In those moments, your story of being a socially anxious introvert may hinder you from going after what you truly want. When you hold on too tightly to your self-stories, you are only allowed to exist within them, and any experience that doesn’t align with your beliefs about who you are and what you can do suddenly starts feeling like a threat.
Even when your self-story is pessimistic, it makes life predictable. Whatever your painful past or dismal future, inside the story of you at least you know you survived, and thus feel somewhat safe. Who knows what might happen if the story was violated?
Everybody Is An Impostor Until They’re Not
Underneath the impostor phenomenon is a convincing lie that many people buy into. It’s the belief that there is a true you that is defined by the content of your life. This true you, can either be qualified or unqualified for certain tasks and endeavors, meaning you either “got it” or you don’t (regardless of what “it” may be).
Despite what it may seem, this is not true. There is no fixed you in the content world of action and reaction. Even on a biological level, the cells that make up your body are constantly dying and replaced, at a rate of 330 billion cells a day. Who you are today is composed of different materials than who you were several years ago. We know that people’s behavior and perceived identity heavily depend on their context, with different circumstances influencing people in quite different ways. You can be kind and patient in some situations while acting harsh and impulsive in others.
The truth: Every person who has ever achieved anything noteworthy in their life has previously not been like that on the outside. You are doing things now that at one point in your life felt insurmountably difficult – whether we are talking about getting a degree, driving a car, or even just reading these words.
Everybody is an impostor until they are not.
When I was in school and early on as an academic it made me mad when I got good grades or my work was praised. “Don’t they know I didn’t give it my all?” I thought. “I only did half of what I could have done. And sooner or later they will find out! I’m not genuinely deserving. They will eventually despise me for it!”
Feeling I was not being genuine was a torment.
All of that changed when I began to work on acceptance and commitment therapy in 1981 after my transformational moment at the bottom of my panic disorder. “Genuine” disappeared and in a way that fits with the likely etymology of the word. I learned to own my self-doubt and let competence be a gradual process judged adequately to the demands of the moment in a step-by-step way.
“Genuine” comes from the Latin “genuinus.” Etymologists argue about where it came from but many believe it relates to the word “genu” meaning “knee” referring to the Roman custom of a father acknowledging paternity of a newborn child by placing it on his knee; perhaps linked to the word “gignere” meaning “to create; beget.” I rather like the image.
What if you took your self stories and from that deepest and more spiritual part of you—put your scared “imposter” self on your knee and owned it? “I see I have a story about my feared lack of competence. I own it and will allow myself the freedom to acquire competence step by step, mistakes included.” That’s not “being an imposter,” it is allowing yourself to learn!
Feeling Like An Impostor Doesn’t Mean You Are One
The crucial point: It doesn’t matter what you think about yourself. The story you tell yourself about yourself only carries weight when you hold these beliefs tightly to your chest, and when you subscribe to their power over you. Instead, you can view it as just a story – and whether it is true or not (spoiler: it is not) doesn’t matter, because you can still act in ways that bring you closer to what you care about.
The feeling of being an impostor may remain, or it may not. Either is fine, truly. It may disappear for a while and then return later. Or you may lose it entirely in one area of your life, but suddenly start feeling like an impostor in another. Again, this is all okay. It doesn’t matter whether you think of yourself as an impostor. Instead, what matters is whether you let yourself be bound by this self-story, or whether you acknowledge it and still decide to act in ways that align with your goals and chosen purpose.
Whenever the self-doubts of being an impostor show up, notice and acknowledge them. They can be here and don’t need to disappear. You can even invite them in and let them enter freely, while they witness you focusing on what you care about and then act in purposeful ways. Again and again. You might consider sharing them with others you trust. There is no waiting until you no longer feel like an impostor – the day may come or it may not. There is, however, a choice to be made: Are you willing to step up for what you care about even though you feel fearful, inadequate, and unqualified? If so, show your answer through your actions.
Be kind to yourself and metaphorically put your fears and self-doubts on your knee and own them. That is being genuine. That is what people hooked by being an imposter can’t bring themselves to do. Then go about the life-long learning process to be more competent in areas you care about, one small step after the other.
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