The Fundamentals of Sex

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Healthy sex lives require partners to align on sexual values and reach joint agreements.

Avoiding sexual conversations leads to issues that can erode intimacy and relationship trust.

True sexual health centers on ongoing consent from all partners.

This post is Part 1 of a series.

When people come in for sex therapy, they’ll often ask their sex therapist questions like, “How often should I (or we in the case of a couple) be having sex?” or “Is it normal for me (or for my partner) to desire to do ‘xyz type’ of sex?” or “Does it mean I’m an awful person if I fantasize about an ex-partner when I’m with my current spouse?”

Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito, authors of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction, created a template for therapists to use when helping clients assess through self-inquiry whether their sex life is in fact sexually healthy. They called this assessment the Six Principles of Sexual Health. They created this model after years of treating mostly male-identified clients who were coming to therapy due to sexual behavior that was described as compulsive, hypersexual, or out-of-control. However, this framework could be adapted for any person who wants to optimize their sexual and relational wellness to better reflect their authentic values and priorities. A healthy sex life isn’t solely based on things........

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