As a psychologist with decades of experience in school crisis preparation and response, I thought I understood trauma symptoms and the recovery process. Then the mass shooting occurred at Brown University on December 13, 2025, and my child was a student on campus. Cognitively, I know that most people impacted will respond with resilience over time and may even experience growth. But over the past few weeks, my own feelings and behaviors didn’t always match what I know and teach others.

The non-linear process of healing is exhausting, especially for families and friends who are trying hard to figure out how to help. A myriad of tips have been shared, some of which have been very useful. But others have fallen flat for me, landing in categories I’d call non-specific (drink water), impossible (get enough sleep), or just not right (get to a therapist right away for specialized treatments). As I reflect on what’s happening in my own family, I find myself repeatedly asking: what is the ‘just right’ balance to help navigate through different moments?

As weeks pass, I understand that initial crisis reactions........

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