For personal and work reasons, I have spent considerable amount of time in the last couple of years visiting my motherland, South Korea. Even though I stopped living in Korea when I was 10 years old, and the Pacific Northwest region of the United States is my current home, I feel a sense of psychological belonging and safety whenever I walk the bustling streets of Seoul. I feel emotionally connected to the sea of black hair (or black hair dyed as another color) around me. Korea feels like my country, even though on paper it is not. When I see the overpriced hats in touristy areas that say “foreigner” (외국인) in bold letters, I think to myself, that’s not for me; that’s for the real foreigners.

But occasionally, there are moments that jolt me back to reality. Instances of rejection. Actions that invalidate my identity as Korean. Statements that insult my complicated but real identity as a Korean American. Thankfully, these moments have been few and far between; but when they do happen, they land differently on my psyche.

Today was one of those days when I felt the sting of rejection in Korea. I entered a store to purchase some gifts for my daughters and chatted with a store worker. When I used Konglish – mix of English and Korean – to explain what I was looking for, the worker laughed and proceeded to mock my speech. I froze, and then unconvincingly laughed it off.

As a person of color who studies the psychological aspects of contemporary racism in the U.S., I am constantly on guard when I am in public in America. Are you going to ask me the all-too-familiar question of invalidation of my American identity, “Where are you from?” I will proudly tell you that I am from Seattle and not qualify my response. Are you going to insult the distinctiveness of Korean culture by homogenizing East Asian cultures? I will gladly point out the erroneous ways of your generalization.

But when I experience similar insults and invalidations while in Korea, I find myself unable to respond.

For those of you who (a) describe yourself as a(n) _________ American due to the immigration history of your family, and (b) have spent some time in your culture of origin to reconnect with your roots, you might have had similar experiences of feeling shocked or discouraged by interpersonal interactions in your culture of origin that destabilized your sense of belongingness.

When these moments of rejection from your own culture occur, how do you respond?

Below, I propose some ways to respond in a psychologically healthy manner, with the hope that one or more of these will be beneficial for your experiences:

References

Sue, D. W., Alsaidi, S., Awad, M. N., Glaeser, E., Calle, C. Z., & Mendez, N. (2019). Disarming racial microaggressions: Microintervention strategies for targets, White allies, and bystanders. American Psychologist, 74(1), 128–142. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000296