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When Asking for Help Feels Unsafe

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24.03.2026

Awareness of, conversations about, and expanding access to mental health services is essential but not enough.

Accessing support requires a level of physiological resilience and trust not not everyone has when needed.

We must respect the real consequences of sharing our struggles within competitive, performance-based cultures.

What if asking for help isn’t just difficult, but doesn’t feel safe?

Oregon quarterback Dante Moore recently shared, in a letter to Oregon Governor Tina Kotek reported by ESPN, that early in his college career, he found himself struggling to keep it all together. At 18 years old, carrying the expectations of leading a major Division I football program, he grew depressed. At the same time, his mother was undergoing chemotherapy after being diagnosed with cancer.

“The pressure and expectations… felt overwhelming,” he wrote. “Watching her endure chemotherapy while I tried to stay focused on school and football challenged me mentally and emotionally. It was heavy in ways that are difficult to put into words.”

What he was navigating wasn’t just pressure. It was a nervous system carrying overlapping signals of danger—on the field, in his identity, and in his family. Moore went on to say that, “as a young Black man and athlete,” asking for help felt like “climbing an uphill battle.” He said that it required “vulnerability and trust.”

As a quarterback, he felt an extra-heavy burden to keep what he was experiencing to himself. “I am expected to lead, stay composed, and carry responsibility for my team.”

We might feel these same obligations in our roles as parents, partners, coaches, therapists, managers, or leaders.

There has been a growing number of conversations in sports about athletes speaking openly about mental health. But there’s more to the story that isn’t being talked about as much.

As social mammals, we evolved to communicate, care for, bond together, and trust others in good times and bad. Beneath cultural norms, we are naturally inclined to reach out for support when we struggle—up to a point. Within our........

© Psychology Today