What's a Parent's Role?

Take our Authoritative Parenting Test

Find a family therapist near me

The science behind the praise that helps children thrive under pressure.

Effort-based praise helps children develop resilience and persistence.

Specific feedback is more powerful than labels like "smart" or "gifted."

Most parents want their children to feel confident, capable, and loved. Naturally, we praise them. We celebrate good grades, soccer goals, artwork taped to the refrigerator, and the first successful trip to the potty.

But here’s something many parents never consider: Not all praise is equally helpful.

In fact, some forms of praise may unintentionally undermine confidence, increase fear of failure, or reduce a child’s intrinsic motivation. The good news? A few simple changes in how you praise your child can have lasting effects on emotional development and behavior.

Praise Should Tell Children What They Did Right

Imagine your child shares a favorite toy with a sibling. Many parents instinctively respond with, “Good job!” or “I’m proud of you!” While well-intended, those words don’t teach the child what behavior deserves repeating.

Instead, try something more specific: “I noticed you shared your blocks with your brother even though you were still playing with them. That was incredibly kind.”

Specific praise helps children connect your approval to concrete behavior. Rather than wondering what earned the praise, they learn exactly which actions reflect kindness, responsibility, persistence, or self-control. Specificity turns praise into a teaching tool.

Timing Matters More Than Parents Realize

Children—especially........

© Psychology Today