When a baby is born, it’s almost guaranteed the new parents will receive advice and support from other parents. For non-parents, even those in decision-making mode, such guidance can be challenging to find.
I don’t know anyone like me. That’s probably the most common lament I hear from people who don’t have kids. Today it’s surprisingly easy to steer people to resources that change lives. You just need to know they’re out there.
During the pandemic, our growing dependence on our devices resulted in a boom of content in the childless or childfree space. New sources of information and connection popped up, and options begun years ago became more robust.
From decision-making about whether to try for parenthood to integrating our identities as non-parents once we know we’re not having them, there’s no reason to stay uninformed and isolated. Here are just a few resources to consider:
National Public Radio’s Sarah McCammon and Andee Tagle hosted a Life Kit segment covering the major components of “baby maybe” decision-making, starting with the importance of honestly evaluating your feelings about parenthood. They also acknowledge that the potential for future regrets is real and can impact whatever parental decision is made.
Knowing what to say to broach the conversation with one’s partner can be stressful. Mental Health Counselor Stephanie Cox has tips for how to do just that on her Psychology Today column “Family Prep.” Instead of skirting the hard questions, she encourages partners to have a series of conversations over time, building a sense of understanding, cooperation, and cohesion over this important life decision.
For more personal, interactive guidance, Clarity Coach Keltie Maguire offers 1:1 coaching and workshops to support to those on the fence about whether or not to have kids. On her podcast The Kids or Childfree, she talks frankly with a wide range of women about their decision-making processes and outcomes.
The childless tend to be pitied, sidelined, or peppered with hurtful comments throughout their lives. Infertility, partnership issues, economics, hereditary conditions are just a few of the many circumstances that can be involved in wanting, but not having, kids. Navigating healthy relationships with similarly-situated people can be invaluable over the course of our lifetimes. These relationships with the childless and, later, with those who consider themselves childfree can help facilitate healing and integration of non-parental status for those who are grieving.
Every September since 2017, Stephanie Joy Phillips of the UK has hosted World Childless Week. People from around the world engage in seven full days of programming that focuses on specific topics each day, such as the workplace, sexuality, singlehood, men’s issues, and comments that hurt. All sessions are recorded and available for free online anytime. World Childless Week in 2024 is September 16-22.
Over a decade ago Jody Day founded Gateway Women, the first-of-its-kind online community specifically targeted to childless women. In 2022, Katy Seppi became the community’s host, and it is now known as the Childless Collective.
The Collective offers virtual events, special online interest groups, and local meetings. The membership-based community is a sensitively-curated environment, where members are ID-checked, and its many online forums are moderated.
In 2022, Katy started a four-day virtual Childless Collective Summit, with around-the-clock workshops and webinars lead by an international cadre of presenters. It’s open to all and offers both free and paid options.
Many think it’s a breeze not having kids when you chose not to have them anyway. Endless weekend leisure, buckets of money, a worry-free lifestyle. You know the trope.
But decisions are often judged, misunderstood, or challenged by coworkers, friends, and family who tout the paramount life importance of raising children. Finding like-minded sources of connection is both constructive and comforting.
A comprehensive website, with online community, podcast, contributors’ stories and more, We Are Childfree tackles a wide range of topics of interest to those without kids.
August 1st is International Childfree Day, an auspicious date in 2022 for launching the now annual Virtual Childfree Convention. Open to all, Childfree Media’s content for each of their conventions is available on line at no cost.
Walk into any gathering, and it’s a sure thing someone will soon bring up the kids. Except if you go to a gathering specifically targeted to those without them. When you can find an in-person offering, I urge you to go. Being surrounded people like you is potent.
When you search for “childfree” on Meetup.com, you’ll find over 40,000 group members getting together in 112 countries around the world. For singles or couples. Some with age ranges specified. Some more activity-focused. The site doesn’t differentiate between choice and circumstance, but the individual group’s focus is described.
Regardless where we live, how old we are, or the circumstances giving rise to our not having kids, there’s an organization or event out there with people ready to swap stories about their experiences as a non-parent in a culture high on family. Maybe even make a few new friends.
By sharing interests, experiences, and concerns, you’ll never feel alone or misunderstood in quite the same way again. You’ll know there are people like you everywhere.
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