We all know someone who’s always described as “reasonable.” They’re the person who stays calm under pressure, smooths over conflicts, and goes out of their way not to rock the boat, at work, at home, and everywhere. They anticipate the needs of others, apologize before voicing their own, and quietly absorb tension so no one else has to.

Being “the reasonable one” sounds like a compliment. But in reality, it’s often a subtle demand to stay quiet, stay calm, and stay accommodating, no matter the personal cost. Over time, this constant self-restraint can leave a person feeling exhausted, resentful, and unseen.

Being reasonable is often described as being logical, fair, and sensible. In practice, it can mean being compliant, supportive, and accommodating, for the sake of harmony. Being “the reasonable one” involves placating others, smoothing over disagreements, and keeping the peace in public, at work, and in relationships with friends and family. But being reasonable often comes with an unspoken rule: Don’t show emotion. Don’t inconvenience others. Don’t escalate conflict. And don’t make anyone uncomfortable with your own feelings.

Of course, this isn’t a disorder, and psychology doesn’t recognize it as a formal diagnosis. But there are related concepts, such as overcontrol, emotional suppression, conflict avoidance, and even people-pleasing or appeasement. What these patterns have in common is the belief that being acceptable or “appropriate” matters more than being honest. And this behavior is often socially rewarded.

So what, then, is considered to be unreasonable? It’s being seen as illogical,........

© Psychology Today