How you treat yourself profoundly affects your health and well-being.

What is self-empathy? Why can it seem so elusive when it is so good for us? It often seems so much easier to have empathy for others than yourself.

Self-empathy is a commitment to being caring rather than shaming or punishing yourself, especially if you’ve made a mistake. Maybe your first impulse is to push too hard or get impatient with your progress. Or you might beat yourself up for falling short at work or when communicating with a loved one. Or you might be too quick to hate or blame yourself. Without self-empathy, these are no-win situations. That’s why self-empathy is so vital to becoming a healthy, empowered, empathic person.

Because of the absolute importance of this subject, I’ve devoted a complete chapter to it in my book The Genius of Empathy. Please review this information in the chapter to get a sense of why I’m framing self-empathy as a healing force in your life. Here are eight tips to begin practicing self-empathy.

Healing affirmations are another way to access self-empathy, promote healing, and stop blaming and punishing yourself for what is outside your control. Here is one that I recommend to my patients. During the day, keep repeating it to lessen stress or simply to feel good.

I breathe deeply. My body is relaxed. I am moving forward toward wellness and ease.

Self-empathy means accepting that you are human and can learn and grow. Of course, you will make mistakes or have regrets. You may move forward, slip backward, then move ahead again. You are not perfect. None of us are. Thank goodness. Perfection is so boring!

I love the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi, which sees imperfections as beautiful and interesting. We are all messy and extraordinary at the same time. Self-empathy starts with being willing to accept your less-than-best qualities as well as your stellar ones.

References

Neff K. D. (2009). The Role of Self-Compassion in Development: A Healthier Way to Relate to Oneself. Human development, 52(4), 211–214. https://doi.org/10.1159/000215071

Bluth, K., & Blanton, P. W. (2015). The influence of self-compassion on emotional well-being among early and older adolescent males and females. The journal of positive psychology, 10(3), 219–230. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2014.936967