Internalizing is blinking away your upset or needs in the service of keeping the peace with others in your life. This could range from dealing with an employee or a boss to interacting with your spouse, children, and friends. Whatever the situation, you look at the person talking to you and prioritize what they need to hear from you, over what’s occurring in your own mind and body.
In an effort to not disappoint, rock the boat, or cause conflict, you swallow your true feelings. This pattern starts in early family life and, over time, can become the only tool you have to manage relationships. You may give yourself a variety of excuses for why you elevate the needs and emotions of others over your own—you are tough, you can deal with it, or you need to process the situation and will come back to it, or maybe you aren’t connected with yourself in the moment so you don’t even know what you’re truly feeling—these rationales keep your feelings suppressed.
When you internalize, you sacrifice the long term for the short term. In the moment, you are liked and you keep things easy for the other person. In the longer term, however, you feel exhausted and burned out by your relationships. You may find yourself replaying conversations in your mind. You may be resentful of people, wishing they’d see you and your needs more and wondering what’s wrong with them that they keep treating you a certain way. You may have a lot of people in your life but still feel empty and unfulfilled.
Internalizing is associated with a host of physical as well as emotional difficulties. They include anxiety, depression, medical conditions, and even earlier mortality. In addition, loneliness is an epidemic, with more than a billion people saying they feel alone. The highest rates are for young adults. When you internalize, you separate yourself—you may be surrounded by others but, in your head, you feel alone and under siege. On the one hand, you want to keep others content, but, on the other, you have your thoughts or difficult feelings churning on the inside.
It can be overwhelming to experience some combination of these symptoms. You are around others yet disconnected, feeling empty and confused. You may diagnose yourself with a mental health disorder, like anxiety, or come to believe you have a medical condition, like high blood pressure. For many, however, there’s an in-the-moment remedy that as you implement will make a world of difference—learn to express your real self in the moment. This means you state what you can and can’t agree to in terms of your beliefs or ability to do for others.
Expressing yourself in the moment is exceptionally powerful and is a counter to many negative symptoms. Do it and you will walk away feeling lighter and restored in some way. You will sense the presence of a more authentic version of yourself. Instead of wishing you’d said something differently or feeling resentful or alone, you feel set free to be your real self. Most importantly, the more you express your real self, the more meaningful connections in your life will display themselves in high definition. You’ll see that the presence of your real self deepens an interaction, that you feel closer to people, or that someone is now more interested or curious about your needs than you had originally thought. You’ll learn that people aren’t as fragile as you imagine and can handle you—your feelings or even your need to let them down or disappoint on occasion.
It’s also true that some won’t get this more real version of you. You probably have some connections who like that you put yourself to the side and elevate them. It can be a vulnerable feeling to put yourself out there and not feel as if that self is acknowledged or valued. Still, it’s important to know where you stand with people so you don’t waste precious resources of time and energy on folks who can’t see you fully.
Here are four techniques to stop internalizing and start directly communicating your needs, emotions, and boundaries with others:
How to Stop Internalizing
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25.01.2024
Internalizing is blinking away your upset or needs in the service of keeping the peace with others in your life. This could range from dealing with an employee or a boss to interacting with your spouse, children, and friends. Whatever the situation, you look at the person talking to you and prioritize what they need to hear from you, over what’s occurring in your own mind and body.
In an effort to not disappoint, rock the boat, or cause conflict, you swallow your true feelings. This pattern starts in early family life and, over time, can become the only tool you have to manage relationships. You may give yourself a variety of excuses for why you elevate the needs and emotions of others over your own—you are tough, you can deal with it, or you need to process the situation and will come back to it, or maybe you aren’t connected with yourself in the moment so you don’t even know what you’re truly feeling—these rationales keep your feelings suppressed.
When you internalize, you sacrifice the long term for the short........
© Psychology Today
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