How Listening Helps Build a Shared Reality
People can enter a conversation with different versions of reality.
Disagreement often reflects different realities, not simply right versus wrong.
Shared reality grows when people listen for what they do not know.
Most of us know the feeling.
Someone at work sees the situation one way, and you see it another. Maybe they are more optimistic than you are. Maybe they are moving faster than you think is wise. Maybe you see risks or constraints they do not.
Do you speak up? Hold back? Try to persuade them?
Imagine the person is your manager.
Your manager tells you, “We need 12% growth next year. With AI helping sales and marketing become more productive, we can get there.”
You see a different picture. From where you sit, 6% to 8% looks more realistic. Your manager sees market opportunity and what AI might make possible. You are closer to customers, capacity constraints, and what the team can deliver today.
You are looking at the same situation and seeing something different.
In an earlier Psychology Today article, I introduced the "Reality Delta": the gap between what one person assumes and what another person sees or experiences from where they sit.
Reality deltas are common at work. A leader sees opportunity while someone closer to the work sees obstacles. A manager sees urgency while an employee sees the cost of moving too quickly.
The mistake is assuming that if our views differ, one of us must be seeing reality correctly.
Often, each person is seeing only part of the picture.
Psychologist E. Tory Higgins and his colleagues use the term "shared reality" to describe something deeper than agreement. Shared reality involves a sense of commonality in how people understand or relate to something in the world. It helps us connect with others and make sense of what is happening around us (Higgins et al., 2021).
Shared reality does not require seeing everything the same way. It means........
