Herb had a problem with money, but money wasn't the real problem. The problem was what money represented to Herb—his self-worth. He knew he had enough money to meet his needs and ensure his future security. No, it wasn’t a question of dollars and cents. It was about not having as much money as his cousin Arthur and expecting he never would. In his eyes, he was a failure because he always came up short compared to Arthur when measured by their bank accounts and stock holdings.

Herb recognized his thinking was irrational, saying to himself, “It’s silly to compare yourself to others. You know there’s always going to be someone wealthier than you, no matter how wealthy you are.” But he just couldn’t let himself off the hook, coming down hard on the belief that Arthur was a success, and he wasn’t, the proverbial bottom line.

In cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), we seek to identify the faulty ways in which people set mental traps for themselves, such as basing their self-worth on their bank accounts and on social comparisons. These beliefs cascade into other self-damning beliefs such as “I should be more successful at my age.” We can become prisoners of these “shoulds” and “musts,” with a few “coulda's” and “woulda's” thrown in. We put ourselves down when we see others on social media sites leading lives that seem so much more fulfilling or when comparing ourselves based on physical appearance or numbers of so-called friends or followers.

To avoid the online social........

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