Manipulation can be found everywhere—relationships, companies, even countries—and results in widespread damage. For those individuals who use chronic manipulation to get what they want from others, that pattern of interaction typically casts a wider net as time goes on, particularly if the manipulator gains rewards (intrinsic or extrinsic) from their behaviors.
Chronic manipulators become accustomed to treating others as a means to an end, making their relationships slowly rot from the inside. If those methods have been successful in the past, even in small increments, they are more likely to keep using them—in a wider array of relationships and to a more intense degree. The most enticing reward for a manipulator is to see their strategy work—i.e., others giving in to what they want, regardless of the personal cost.
Though the stakes are high for manipulators, and they can experience setbacks and ill effects from their ongoing behaviors, chronic manipulators don’t have a solid prognosis for improvement. Many chronic manipulators are not motivated to change—a key to making long-term behavioral adjustments—and view treatment options in the same way they view relationships: an unfavorable situation that must be molded to fit their needs.
Chronic manipulators rarely know how to connect on a deep, intimate level with others. Their capacity for empathy is reduced, their self-interest gauges are off the charts, and they struggle to relate. All of those factors make their treatment prognosis challenging at best—and terrifying at worst. Many chronic manipulators will resist treatment of any kind, and those who do end up going typically are forced into it by extenuating circumstances.
Motivation is key to long-lasting change, a concept well established by research in the field. Chronic manipulators are motivated to achieve one simple thing—control over other situations and other people. That can lead to treatment itself being viewed as just another situation to gain control over.
Though difficult, there is some hope for change in chronic manipulators. With the right kind of trained professional (who must have extensive experience in recognizing and responding to manipulation), manipulative people can learn to recognize their triggers, their coping mechanisms, possible thinking errors, and their maladaptive behaviors—all with the goal of reducing symptomology to produce “less dangerous” relationships.
Treatment for chronic manipulators should be focused on increasing self-awareness of maladaptive behaviors, taking responsibility for those behaviors, and learning positive, nonharmful ways to build relationships. While chronic manipulators tend to be overly aware of what others are thinking and feeling (making manipulation easier), their self-awareness screens are rarely turned on—although for some lifelong manipulators, they’re aware of their hurtful actions but choose to continue them regardless.
Obviously, disregard for the impact they’re having on others spells doom for successful treatment of this population. If a chronic manipulator possesses the acuity to see what they’re doing to others but lacks the drive to care, the likelihood of them responding to even the most basic treatment aspects is limited.
Learning to decrease unhealthy behaviors is important, but will a chronic manipulator ever experience profound, long-lasting change? Research suggests that while these individuals can learn some parameters on interacting with others, there’s really no cure for their behaviors. The most positive benefits are directly correlated to those manipulators who willingly seek out treatment on their own, with no external circumstances forcing them into change. If that hallmark characteristic isn’t present, the chances of a chronic manipulator making change that counts are slim.
Interestingly, recent research also indicates that for individuals who use chronic manipulation, notably those diagnosed with narcissism, their upbringing has a lot to do with treatment success. Those with abusive or neglectful childhoods have the most potential to change, while spoiled, entitled narcissists rarely see long-term improvement.
So what does that mean for the millions of people trapped in relationships with chronic manipulators? Simply put, the best-case scenario will still probably involve significant hurt, hard work, and grueling experience to make these relationships work on any level. If your manipulator is motivated, it can be done—but the cost is steep.
Given the harmful side effects of engaging in relationships with chronic manipulators—and the reduced likelihood they will make the kind of change necessary to maintain intimate, perceptive relationships—the best treatment may be prevention.
Learning to recognize the signs of chronic manipulators early on, and mastering firm methods of responding to those signs, is the most important protective factor to avoid the fallout from these relationships. Rather than waiting until the damage is done, walk away (when possible) before the biggest weapons are released.
References
Narcissists can have healthy relationships if they’re willing to spend ‘six figures’ on treatment, says psychologist who’s worked with dozens. Aditi Shrikant. August 24, 2023. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/08/24/psychologist-how-narcissists-can-have-h…
Do Chronic Manipulators Ever Really Change?
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19.12.2023
Manipulation can be found everywhere—relationships, companies, even countries—and results in widespread damage. For those individuals who use chronic manipulation to get what they want from others, that pattern of interaction typically casts a wider net as time goes on, particularly if the manipulator gains rewards (intrinsic or extrinsic) from their behaviors.
Chronic manipulators become accustomed to treating others as a means to an end, making their relationships slowly rot from the inside. If those methods have been successful in the past, even in small increments, they are more likely to keep using them—in a wider array of relationships and to a more intense degree. The most enticing reward for a manipulator is to see their strategy work—i.e., others giving in to what they want, regardless of the personal cost.
Though the stakes are high for manipulators, and they can experience setbacks and ill effects from their ongoing behaviors, chronic manipulators don’t have a solid prognosis for improvement. Many chronic manipulators are not motivated to change—a key to making long-term behavioral adjustments—and view treatment options in the same way they view relationships: an unfavorable situation that must be molded to fit their needs.
Chronic manipulators rarely know how to connect on a deep, intimate level with others.........
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