Placing a higher value on relationships can increase happiness and well-being.

Many immigrant cultures prioritize relationships, family, and interdependence.

Sharing meals with others improves well-being, increases positive emotions, and decreases negative emotions.

I recently returned from a writer’s conference in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. San Miguel is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, with cobblestone streets, buildings dating back hundreds of years, and a rich artistic culture. Authors from all over the globe attended the conference to share writing craft workshops and build community. On the first day of the conference, Travis Bembenek, owner of Mexico News Daily, a leading English-language newspaper reporting on Mexican news, spoke about what he and his wife learned after moving to Mexico.

He and his wife noticed that the Mexican people valued:

Civic and religious traditions

Relationships over efficiency

Public spaces and a culture of interdependence

In Mexico, your pace and heart rate slow down. Small talk, even with strangers, is not considered wasted time. Joy is reflected in colorful textiles, public murals, music, and dancing in the streets, and window boxes flowing with flowers and plants. Imperfection is embraced, and historical buildings are valued. Simplicity is celebrated.

Positive psychology research shows that many of these values comprise the core of a well-lived life. When people share joyful experiences, the stress hormone cortisol decreases (Yoneda et al., 2025).

The simple act of sharing meals with friends and loved ones is associated with increased well-being across all age groups worldwide (World Happiness Report, 2025). The more meals you eat with others per week, the greater your well-being, with more positive emotions and fewer negative emotions.

Data from the American Time Use Survey showed that about 1 in 4 Americans reported eating all of their meals alone. This is a 53 percent increase since 2003 (American Time Use Survey, 2023). Dining alone has increased across all age groups, especially among young people. Many cultures beat out America on this measure and measures of overall happiness.

So what's changed? We know what makes us happy—connection, shared meals, time with people we care about—yet we're doing less of it. The answer isn't that we don't value these things anymore. It's that we've been sold a different story: that efficiency is everything, that our worth is measured by productivity, and that relationships are luxuries we can afford only after we've optimized every other part of our lives. In pursuit of more money, more status, and more achievement, we've systematized the very things that make life worth living right out of our days.

Binging on Efficiency and Profitability

I’ve spoken with elite, financially successful clients who regularly cut off those who no longer serve to elevate their social or economic status. Inspired by the quote attributed to Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” these folks cut off people based on their current success and status. At any moment, any of us can fall into misfortune, illness, or an economic crisis. Friendships based on status alone are shallow and fragile.

Many of my clients in the United States work in understaffed offices, required to work long hours to cover for eliminated jobs, all to serve the corporate bottom line. Overwork can lead to stress disability, marital issues, struggles managing care for children and aging parents, and eventually physical health problems (Shafer et al., 2018). Often, there is no time left in the day for self-care, rest, exercise, or relationships. When relationships suffer due to neglect, stress, or simply a lack of time and attention, our mental health and well-being suffer.

Cultural Ignorance Causes Harm

Years ago, I provided counseling to employees of a company that suffered a horrific workplace shooting. One of the managers, I’ll call Hank, a kindly man originating from the Philippines, was reprimanded and demoted by his superiors for how he handled the crisis. During the shooting, Hank heroically rushed his staff to safety in a locked room. Once the shooter had been neutralized, Hank called his family. He wanted to spare them the trauma of thinking that he was one of the victims if they were to hear about the shooting on the news. He then called the corporate office to report what had happened.

Hank’s superiors reprimanded him for not calling the corporate office first. In their mind, his job as a manager demanded that he think about their need to manage the public relations of a shooting over his personal need to prevent his family from experiencing unnecessary trauma.

Many immigrant cultures from countries far poorer than the U.S. place a high value on relationships and rank much higher than the U.S. in happiness. Immigrant cultural norms that prioritize family, community, and relationships are supported by mental health research on well-being. Americans can learn a lot from them. If nothing else, strive to share more meals with others. It’s good for you and good for the community.

Helliwell, J. F., Layard, R., Sachs, J. D., De Neve, J.-E., Aknin, L. B., & Wang, S. (Eds.). (2025). World Happiness Report 2025. University of Oxford: Wellbeing Research Centre.

Shafer EF, Kelly EL, Buxton OM, Berkman LF. Partners' overwork and individuals' wellbeing and experienced relationship quality. Community Work Fam. 2018;21(4):410-428. doi: 10.1080/13668803.2017.1311839. Epub 2017 Apr 16. PMID: 36061087; PMCID: PMC9436002.

U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, "American Time Use Survey — 2023 Results," released June 27, 2024.

Yoneda, T., Lewis, N. A., Pauly, T., Kolodziejczak-Krupp, K., Drewelies, J., Ram, N., Ashe, M. C., Madden, K. M., Gerstorf, D., Haase, C. M., & Hoppmann, C. A. (2025). Better together: Coexperienced positive emotions and cortisol secretion in the daily lives of older couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 129(6), 1240–1256. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000564

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