In today’s American culture, where the First Amendment is touted and assertiveness admired, people feel entitled to say whatever is on their minds. As a result, social media is flooded with uninformed opinions galore, college campuses are divided by raucous rhetoric, and many personal relationships are severed by overwhelming conflict.

In addition, the cultural and political atmosphere is flooded nowadays with cruelty, disinformation, and vitriol, along with gun violence and mass shootings. The time of reasoned discourse and refinement seems to have vanished along with the departure of Polaroid cameras and dial telephones.

What does all this "speaking up" accomplish? Sometimes a lot, sometimes not much, and at other times, it’s destructive. In working as a clinical psychologist with individuals and couples for more than 50 years, it has been apparent that "speaking up" does not always facilitate communication between people. For inhibited and nonassertive individuals, for example, speaking up is often a breakthrough and highly beneficial to them. But for others, such as garrulous, narcissistic, hysterical, chronically angry, and/or defensive people, speaking up may be manipulative rather than cathartic or personally meaningful. Sometimes, such individuals want to convey a certain impression—that is, to appear smart, clever, or sophisticated, as opposed to being authentic.

In addition, incessant talkers are usually poor listeners. They are so caught up in what they have to say that listening is difficult for them. In fact, listening to others is often a distraction from their........

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