What Is a Chronic Illness?

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Find a therapist to help with chronic illness

The struggles associated with chronic illness are often hidden.

Identifying and naming specific losses helps process grief.

Pursuing meaning, connection, and values helps build a better future.

Once again, Jordan explained his rare medical condition to a new medical provider unfamiliar with his decades-long struggle. His reluctant expertise in his own illness heightened his sense of isolation.

A key feature of chronic illness or pain is being different, often in hidden ways. The differences may be obvious, but in many cases, they are invisible. Chronically ill or injured individuals smile, laugh, and express kindness to others, leaving the impression that there is no real difference between them and their friends and family. But the reality is that their medical condition, physical limitations, discomfort, and the numerous activities, foods, substances, and beverages they must avoid are constantly on their mind. A chronically ill person lives in continuous awareness that something is wrong.

We love to imagine the future. As youth, we look forward to graduating from high school, leaving home, and launching into a great future. When our actual life is not even close to what we anticipated due to chronic illness or injury, we face the hard work of grieving the many losses in our lives. Here are five common struggles individuals with chronic illness face, along with ideas for moving forward.

The Loss of What Could Have Been: Life is lived forward. We live for the next adventure, accomplishment, and discovery. It is only natural that we would grieve what we will not experience. To move forward, we must realize that while our lives may look different, we bring with us our ability to enjoy what is, experience gratitude, and pursue new activities, hobbies, and interests that help us learn, grow, and develop.

The Loss of What Was: With chronic illness, we may need to grieve the physical activities, independence, routines, mobility, work, and freedom we likely took for granted in the past. To move forward, we must let go of what we cling to so our hands remain open to receive something new. We can become hooked by the thought that life ought to be what we expect and is unbearable if it is not. Changing our demands to preferences is a proven cognitive-behavioral therapy approach that helps us take the anger and bitterness out of our losses and replace them with healthy grief and disappointment.

The Loss of Connection: If chronic illness makes it difficult for a person to leave their home, building and maintaining relationships will be difficult. Even if mobility is not an issue, individuals with chronic illness may not feel seen or safe around others. To move forward, in-person or online support groups can be a great encouragement for those who are struggling with connection. In addition, look for people with shared interests or hobbies, or start a hobby that lends itself to connecting with others.

The Loss of Missed Events: Memories, especially family memories, are made around adventures, trips, games, holidays, and celebrations. A chronically ill or injured person may struggle to attend or participate in many events, which is another loss to grieve. To move forward, communicate to those close to you about your longing to be a part of what others are doing and look for ways to help them keep you engaged, even from a distance. Also, take the initiative to add to the calendar the events you can do, and let others know how important it is for them to join.

The Loss of Identity: Being viewed as a person who suffers is not a desirable identity. We would rather see ourselves making an impact, reaching our goals, and solving problems. To move forward, keep in mind that the people around you have the same basic emotional needs as you, needs you can meet. Your friends and family need to feel safe, belong, contribute, develop self-control and autonomy, and experience joy and fun. Helping others feel seen, safe, secure, and soothed is the greatest impact you can have on another person.

Chronic illness often leads to isolation and loneliness, which then leads to an increased risk of health-related problems like heart disease. If you are struggling with chronic illness, know that you are not alone. You matter, and your voice must be heard. Acknowledge to yourself both your losses and your amazing resilience. You fight and win more battles in one day than many face in a lifetime.

To learn more about handling unhelpful thoughts and difficult emotions, read about the power of perception to reduce anxiety and depression.

What Is a Chronic Illness?

Take our Depression Test

Find a therapist to help with chronic illness

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