Traumatic events can take a significant toll on a person's emotional, physical, and psychological health. After experiencing the effects of a narcissistic person, a traumatic bond, a loss, or other painful event, many people feel confused or unsure of who they "are" because so much of their time and energy has been consumed by the experiences of trauma.
Some feel a profound loss of self and struggle to understand the effects trauma has had on their self-identity.
In the words of Gabor Mate,"…trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you," suggesting that what may be traumatic to one person may not be traumatic to another. Yet, the implications of trauma on a person's life can be significant. Trauma experienced in childhood is perhaps the most damaging to a person's sense of self-identity, where they may have become conditioned to believe their value as a person is based on what others think of them.
The effect of trauma can differ for everyone. However, 24 common signs that a person has experienced trauma include:
Rediscovering your sense of self after a traumatic event can be a long process.
Some important steps include:
Learning where your safety needs have been compromised is the first critical step in healing and learning how to rediscover yourself. Judith Herman (2015) posits three necessary stages in healing from trauma: establishing safety, grieving and mourning, and reconnecting.
Establishing a sense of safety requires learning how to feel safe in your body, becoming familiar with somatic sensations, and "listening" to what your body needs. It includes engaging in calming strategies and learning how to develop a sense of control over your emotions and memories associated with the traumatic event.
Over time, establishing a sense of safety can generalize outward to friends, family, and community. However, one common occurrence from having experienced a traumatic event is that the people, places, or situations a person once identified as part of their old life are no longer part of their new life.
Some may walk away from old friendships or relationships that resonate with narcissistic agendas, while others may limit how much time they spend with certain family members. Fostering a sense of peace and calm takes center stage when redefining what safety means.
Grieving includes coming to terms with your new life post-trauma. When you allow time to process the pain, you also allow yourself to gain a sense of agency and control over your life. An all-too-common occurrence is that some will try to avoid the grieving process by distracting themselves with a relationship, a hobby, or even work.
When grieving is avoided, it can increase the risk of addiction, compulsive behaviors, depression, anxiety, or other health-related problems. Similarly, research suggests that a pattern of avoidance behavior is reinforced (strengthened) each time a person turns to a compulsive behavior to avoid grieving, resulting in increased risks for emotional, psychological, and physical problems as a result of these behaviors.
Begin exploring new interests that create a deeper connection within yourself. This does not mean you need to dramatically "change" who you are, but rather to invest time learning about other parts of yourself. Explore what makes you feel happy, complete, and whole.
Take time for extra sleep, nature, and therapy with a trauma-informed psychologist. Examine your life from a different perspective and begin unpacking new experiences while surrounding yourself with psychologically healthy people who continue fostering your personal growth.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Baker, A.W., et al. (2017). The role of avoidance in complicated grief: A detailed examination of the Grief-Related Avoidance Questionnaire in a large sample of individuals with complicated grief. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 21(6), 533-547.
Herman, J. (2015). Trauma and recovery. Basic Books.
Maté, G., and Mate, D. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, illness & healing in a toxic culture. New York: Random House.
Rediscovering Yourself After Experiencing Trauma
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24.11.2023
Traumatic events can take a significant toll on a person's emotional, physical, and psychological health. After experiencing the effects of a narcissistic person, a traumatic bond, a loss, or other painful event, many people feel confused or unsure of who they "are" because so much of their time and energy has been consumed by the experiences of trauma.
Some feel a profound loss of self and struggle to understand the effects trauma has had on their self-identity.
In the words of Gabor Mate,"…trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you," suggesting that what may be traumatic to one person may not be traumatic to another. Yet, the implications of trauma on a person's life can be significant. Trauma experienced in childhood is perhaps the most damaging to a person's sense of self-identity, where they may have become conditioned to believe their value as a person is based on what others think of them.
The effect of trauma can differ for everyone. However, 24 common signs that a person has........
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