In returning to work after a hiatus, Ellen discovered that she wanted to become an industry leader. All she had initially desired was decent work, but, in performing it, it was if a recessive gene for leadership had expressed itself.
Her story demonstrates how each of us, minding our own business, should be open to our leadership potential. If natural leaders always believe in themselves, the rest of us should at least recognize our potential and then make the most of it.
When Ellen came to see me, she’d been a mom for several years. But now that the kids were in school, she needed to keep busy. So, she had returned to teaching middle school English. But it rankled. “To be honest,” she said, “I want to be out in the world.” But I wasn’t sure whether Ellen had transferable skills.
As an English teacher she could presumably write well, so I suggested PR. But Ellen outdid me. “You know,” she said, “contacts trump talent. My sister is a real estate agent and knows everybody.” She wangled an interview. Better yet, she was hired as an apprentice agent.
Over the next several months, Ellen passed the licensing exams. She became an associate agent. What I hadn’t expected was that real estate would consume her. “You know,” she told me, “It’s like I’ve found my calling.” I wondered whether we had anything more to talk about.
But we did. Apparently, Ellen wanted to run the whole shop, or at least be an equal partner with the guy who ran it. Would he be interested? Did she have the equity to invest in the firm? More fundamentally, was she prepared to take on a leadership role? There were a dozen or so associate agents, and she’d have to manage them, not just her own portfolio. She’d have to become a businesswoman, as well as a player in local politics (by which real estate lived or died). She was up for it, she said.
As Ellen got into the game, she told me, “I know what it takes to sell high-end properties—staging, technology, and a Ph.D. in psychology or its moral equivalent.” The guy who ran the firm was old-school, and Ellen felt he was holding her back. “The only way to get ahead is to lead,” she said. In a few months, she pulled it off.
In fact, not only did she become partner, with an infusion of equity capital from her husband, but she ultimately bought the guy out. The firm was hers. She could make all the changes she wanted. I thought she’d finally got what she wanted.
Wrong again. Once someone discovers the prerogatives of leadership—the power to make things happen—it can kick off an infinite feedback loop. Leadership can make you want to lead bigger groups and make even more things happen. Ellen opened satellite offices and hired more brokers. She started speaking at women’s groups and the local realtors’ association. I wondered what was driving her: Was it insecurity, some narcissistic need to show off, a keen sense of business, or just being in charge of a huge operation?
According to Ellen, it was all the above but also the thrill of getting in touch with what she considered her real motivations. “I guess I was the perfect wife and mother,” she said, “but those are roles that women inherit. On the other hand, when you take control of something, and grow it and make it better—when you make it your own—then that’s organic.” In effect, Ellen was on a mission of self-discovery, pushing the limits of how far she could take her new role.
As Ellen brought in more capital and merged with another local firm, I wondered when enough would be enough. If once she had proven that she could be a leader, wasn’t she just proving the same thing again and again?
Ellen didn’t see it that way. She felt that leaders need to be continually creative and that that was where she was. “I am discovering myself as a creative, much as an artist would who picks up a brush and sees that she can paint. This is all about discovering who I am, not about taking over the world.” In Ellen’s estimation, leadership was ostensibly outer-facing, but it was also an inward journey.
With another woman, Ellen started a real estate academy dedicated to educating the next generation of female realtors. She told me that she had flocks of applicants—proof, she said, that her own leadership had inspired others to take a similar journey.
Ellen discovered that she was a natural leader. Her story demonstrates that not only can someone evolve into a leader because of necessity, they can discover that leadership is highly compatible with the person they may have sought to be in the first place, if only they had understood how they would love it. So, the point is to hold yourself open to the possibility.
If you don’t follow through, you may be angry at yourself later on. Why risk it? While Ellen’s story may seem like an over-the-top indulgence of someone with money behind her, it is also a model adaptable to anyone’s circumstances. At her academy, Ellen has a sign: “You owe it to yourself to try.”
So, as you reflect on Ellen, try to engage in some what-if, alternative history: What would happen if I didn’t follow the urge to lead and then take it to the max? Would I always be apologizing to myself? Would I feel like I let myself down? If you can honestly say that your life would be less satisfying and that you’d always regret a missed opportunity, then the risk to your self-esteem, should you fail, is worth it.
Notice, however, that Ellen did not just take a leap of faith into a new career. She started as an apprentice, passed the exams, and worked her way up. Real leaders, even born leaders, do not start at the top. They become acclimated, learning the language and culture. They learn the ropes. At some point, Ellen ceased to surprise herself. She felt she was on a limitless trajectory. But it took time and constant reinforcement.
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